


I Tolerate You

by ColourlessZero



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Alternate Universe - Exchange Student, Belligerent Sexual Tension, Denial, Exchange Student AU, Homestay, Homophobia, M/M, One-sided pining, Pining, UST, Unresolved Sexual Tension
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-01-31
Updated: 2016-07-27
Packaged: 2018-05-17 08:02:01
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 19,625
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5860738
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ColourlessZero/pseuds/ColourlessZero
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sugawara was kind, gentle and friendly. Sugawara was also sensitive and had a rather disarming smile. Overall, a perfectly pleasant person.</p>
<p>Theoretically, if you had to spend three whole months living with such a person not much can go wrong. It might even be a welcome experience. Tsukishima had done just that and he was not looking forward to spending another three months with Sugawara again. Waiting at the airport he was already irritated in advance and wondered how the hell they were going to coexist peacefully.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Tch

**Author's Note:**

  * For [themultifandomnerd](https://archiveofourown.org/users/themultifandomnerd/gifts).



> A very special gift for my friend, themultifandomnerd! Without you this fic wouldn't exist at all. Enjoy =D

Dread settled in the pit of Tsukishima’s stomach and froze into heavy shards of ice in the cool air conditioning of the airport. The shards jabbed him from the inside with sharp nervousness and he wished he could leave. Pale gold eyes glanced at his watch for the nth time that morning. Time was moving simultaneously too fast and too slow. On one hand, it was moving too fast because he didn’t want to deal with his homestay brother. In fact, his whole day - no, his whole year - would be brightened if Sugawara didn’t turn up at all. The resulting panicked phone calls and police investigations over a missing student abroad would be but a minor inconvenience.

However, that thought was unrealistic and there was nothing Tsukishima could do to stop him from coming. Thus, on the other hand, time moved too slowly. He wanted to have these three months over and done with as quickly as possible so he could simply get on with his life in peace.

Glaring at his watch wouldn’t make its arms move faster either. With an exasperated “Tch!” Tsukishima slipped his headphones over his ears. Before he closed his eyes he caught the disapproving look his father, Akio, shot at him. Tsukishima couldn’t care less. Akio had long since given up telling him to take off those headphones, complaining about how antisocial he was being. What was the point in taking them off when he was surrounded by idiots?

He leaned against the metal railing, the coldness of the metal pleasant to the touch, a stark contrast to the sweltering heat outside.

The music thrummed in his veins and drowned out the incessant chatter of waiting people around him. He exhaled heavily through his nose. Try as he might, he couldn’t will away the subtle grip of anxiety on his nerves. Tumultuous thoughts clattered and roared in his head until each one tangled together to form one luminous thread that led to an almost prophetic hypothesis.

At best, these three months were going to be trying, if not strained.

He could already see it in his mind’s eye as the music continued to pulse in time with his nervousness.

Previous exchange students who went to Japan always gushed about how quickly their stay went and how they wished they could have stayed for longer. Not Tsukishima. He hadn’t forgotten how he had counted down the days he could come back home. It matched up poorly to his expectations. Perhaps it was a mixture of culture shock and awkwardness. Despite being Japanese himself, he found the unspoken social rules suffocating.

Still, he hoped that Sugawara’s experience in New Zealand would be different. True, he didn’t like the guy but it would be preferable if they got along. That would be the best case scenario and would make these coming three months easier for everyone. Especially Tsukishima. He made a mental note to try and be more...agreeable? Other people, like Akio, called it being agreeable, sociable and friendly. He called it other names like “fake” and “insincere”. In short, all he had to do was the exact opposite of what he actually wanted to do for it to go smoothly.

It wasn’t that Sugawara was a horrible and unpleasant person. Quite the opposite, in fact. Tsukishima could see a lot of reasons why people would like Sugawara. Yet, somehow, they simply didn’t get along during his stay in the Sugawara household.

“Tsukishima!” The source of Tsukishima’s troubles announced his arrival in the brightest, cheeriest voice that was not dissimilar to little silver bells. It grated on Tsukishima’s nerves.

He donned the mask: smooth, relaxed features and cheeks lifted into a small but pleasant smile that probably didn't reach his eyes. “Sugawara-san,” He chimed brightly, “It's good to see you again.” _Urgh...go home._

As he thought, Sugawara looked like he had brought his entire closet. Tsukishima eyed the excessively large suitcase precariously balanced on the trolley with thinly veiled distaste. The rational side of his mind reasoned that it made sense: Bring along a massive suitcase to fill with presents to take back home for friends and family. However, the irrationally irritated side of Tsukishima screamed, _Everything he does is annoying!_

Pushing the thought aside, Tsukishima remembered that he was supposed to be getting along swimmingly with Sugawara. “You must be tired from your flight,” He shooed Sugawara away gently and pushed the trolley for him. “I’ll take this for you.”

Sugawara shook his head slightly in shock, tousled silver-grey hair jerking with the motion. His light brown eyes widened. “T-thanks.”

 _Good! He remembers that we don’t get along. Hopefully he’ll get the hint and cooperate_ , thought Tsukishima. He still wasn’t entirely positive about the arrangement though.

Akio beamed with the force of 10,000 suns at his son’s uncharacteristic display of thoughtful consideration. Tsukishima concentrated intensely on pushing the trolley to the waiting car while Akio and Sugawara promptly engaged themselves in idle chatter behind him.

Outside the sound of cicadas crackled like boiling oil and heat rose up from the tarmac in a shimmering haze. As soon as they reached the car and the booth clicked open Sugawara rushed forward to move his luggage. As he lifted it off the trolley the suitcase toppled off ungracefully onto his toe.

Tsukishima watched silently with mounting concern. He caught the painful wince on Sugawara’s face before he hid it behind another one of those disgustingly lovely smiles of his that sparkled with perfectly straight, white teeth. It was the worst smile Tsukishima had ever seen.

Sugawara continued to try lifting his suitcase into the booth, his arms shook with the effort.

Before Tsukishima could do anything about Sugawara’s arms snapping beneath the weight of his luggage Akio rushed forward, always so eager to please. “No, no. Let me.” He placed a hand over his heart. “You're a guest here, after all.”

It seemed that Sugawara and Akio were of the same species. “Oh, no! That wouldn’t be appropriate, Tsukishima-san.” Sugawara raised his hands in surprise before quickly clamping them down on the suitcase before it rolled away.

“Please, call me otou-san while you’re here. And I insist!” Akio gestured with open palms.

They continued back and forth while Tsukishima dripped with sweat from the oppressive heat and stifling humidity. Or was it from his impatience ticking dangerously close to inflamed vexation?

Wordlessly, he stepped around Akio, picked up Sugawara’s luggage and dumped it unceremoniously into the booth.

“Nice, Tsukishima! You're so strong.”

Tsukishima closed the booth with a satisfying slam.

“Yes, I am,” he said flatly and turned to Akio. “Can we leave now?”

+

The car ride home was relatively uneventful. Tsukishima basked in the cool breeze of glorious air conditioning as he wiped away sweat from his brow.

Akio constantly chattered, filling in every bit of silence. Sugawara humoured him and answered all of Akio’s questions about his parents, little brother, school, friends and whatnot.

Vaguely listening to the conversation, Tsukishima didn’t understand why his father would ask these questions at all. As soon as he had returned from Japan Akio had barraged him with endless questions about his homestay family and stopped just short of having Tsukishima write a complete thesis about his experiences as an exchange student. The previous night Tsukishima had even caught Akio rearranging notes he had taken during his lengthy interview. “It’s so we can get along with Sugawara-kun,” Akio reasoned. Despite having lived with his father all his life, Tsukishima couldn’t say that he understood him very well.

At least he didn't have to join in on the conversation. Pohutukawa trees bloomed bright red and their dappled shade slid across the smooth exterior of the car, mimicking the light dancing on the wide river beside the road they drove across. Mangroves lined its muddy shores and cyclists zipped passed them on the bicycle track.

"Why don't you call Kei by his first name?” asked Akio cheerfully. His eyes met Sugawara’s briefly in the rear view mirror.

Tsukishima jolted from his seat.  _"_ _Don't just decide these things for me!"_ written all over his face. Maybe he should have paid more attention to the conversation after all.

The leather squeaked as Sugawara shifted uncomfortably in his seat. “I've always called him Tsukishima, so it kind of stuck.”

Sugawara glanced over at Tsukishima with a certain tightness in his eyes that Tsukishima couldn’t interpret.

Subtle hints, small talk and long winded conversations were some of Tsukishima’s least favourite things. He simply didn’t have time for them and Sugawara was no exception to the rule. So he answered with a blank stare. If Sugawara wanted to say something he should just say it.

+

The car finally pulled up to the Tsukishima household along a winding road lined with trees. It was a charming two story home that Tsukishima loved with all his heart. He had lived here all his life. The English-styled house was painted cream white with dusk blue tiles on the roof. The front yard had a fragrant garden with lavender bushes, orchids, calla lilies and freesias, just to name a few.

Once, he had told his friend, Yamaguchi, that he thought the white picket fence fantasy that couples had was gross and nauseating while walking home from school. As they drew closer to his home Tsukishima really looked at his house and realised that he happened to live in one of those ideal houses complete with a white picket fence. He wondered how he hadn’t noticed that before, seeing as he lived in the house. Of course, Yamaguchi had pointed it out, all bubbly laughter. Picket fence or not, Tsukishima loved the house. He vehemently denied that he had a romantic side at all and Yamaguchi laughed even more.

Sugawara stepped out of the car. “Wow!” He walked over to a lavender bush and leaned down to smell the purple flower. His eyes fluttered closed and his face lit up with delight, “I haven’t even been inside yet, but I can tell that your house is amazing.”

Tsukishima couldn’t help the little swell of pride in his chest. That didn’t mean that he found Sugawara excellent company though. Perhaps he really was a cold-hearted asshole like many people said, but Tsukishima couldn’t resist. “Did you know that you can eat lavender?” _Romantic people love flowers. Would they eat them?_ Tsukishima decided to test it out on his unsuspecting homestay brother.

When Tsukishima was at Sugawara’s home he had peeked at some of the novels in Sugawara’s room. They were horrifying and poorly written. Could the lady be any more dense? How was it believable that she did’t want to get married when she’s desperately trying to get married right from the first sentence? The male lead was such a dick. What did she see in him? Those were a few minutes of life Tsukishima could never get back. Sometimes he thought it was karma for snooping around in Sugawara’s room without permission.

“Really?”

“Yes, people on their morning runs used to pick them and eat them right away.” This was not a lie. When Tsukishima was little he had seen runners by his house do just that. It was incredibly rude of them. They should have just asked. He brushed the memory away and focused on the experiment. He made an effort to crinkle his eyes a little into a more convincing smile.

“May I?” Sugawara asked.

“Of course.”

Sugawara reached out a hand tenderly as long, slender fingers carefully plucked a blossom. He sniffed the flower appreciatively again before popping it in his mouth.

Tsukishima watched Sugawara chew, his cheek already quaking with impending laughter. Suddenly, Sugawara’s jaw stopped abruptly and his face pinched inwards.

“BLARGH!!” He coughed and spat out half-chewed bits of lavender onto the ground, trying to wipe off the lingering bitterness from his tongue by licking at his fingers. Saliva smeared on his lips and clung to his fingers in filaments that broke almost instantaneously, only to be recreated when he licked at his fingers again.

Tsukishima laughed _and laughed_ **_and laughed._ **

But Sugawara wasn’t laughing.

Sugawara sent Tsukishima a glare so cold and ill-suited to his kind and soft features that Tsukishima ran off to take his luggage into the house.

Tsukishima wasn’t afraid of course. How could he be? What was there to be afraid of? He wasn’t afraid at all.

As his father passed him with tissues in hand, no doubt for Sugawara, he whispered sharply in his ear, “Don’t be so mean to him. Go and apologise.” Akio shoved the tissues into his hands and took the luggage from him.

Tsukishima looked at the tissues in his hands, then he looked at Sugawara whose face was so cold and still with subdued fury that Tsukishima thought he saw frost growing in his silver-grey hair.

He was very, _very_ afraid.

Tense as prey caught in the sights of a predator, Tsukishima stiffly walked over to Sugawara by the lavender bush. “Sorry.” He muttered and vaguely wiped the tissues at Sugawara’s face and hands without really looking at him. As a result Tsukishima wasn’t even entirely sure if he was cleaning up Sugawara properly.

 _It’s been ten seconds, he’s probably clean now_ , Tsukishima ran into his house without looking back. His sanctuary where he would be safe from Sugawara’s probable rage.

Then he remembered that Sugawara was going to be living in the house today, tomorrow, the day after that and the next day - he was going to be living with him for three whole months.

+

The sky became a watercolour canvas with oranges, reds and violets splashed across it as the sun began its descent beneath the horizon. In the distance, the windows on the cluster of high-rise buildings that was the city centre glittered and far off hills and valleys silhouetted black against the fading light.

Sugawara had since woken from his nap, still groggy from jet lag. Tsukishima hoped that he would be sleepy enough to think that the whole lavender experiment was a figment of his imagination. Could he pull off convincing Sugawara of that? Probably not, though it would be entertaining to try. Briefly, Tsukishima consulted his logic and determined with a sigh that now would not be a good time to mess with Sugawara. It was only the first day and he had already derailed his own plan to get along with Sugawara.

Nonetheless, he flicked his eyes up briefly from his book to see Sugawara making his way down the stairs. Ever since the lavender experiment they had carefully danced around each other, avoided each other. Of course, that worked out just fine for Tsukishima, but he didn’t spend three months in Sugawara’s home without learning anything. He’d have to deal with Sugawara’s troublesome, bruised, little feelings sooner or later.

As Tsukishima expected, Sugawara came over to the couch by the window where he was reading. In his gentle, unassuming manner Sugawara lingered next to him and looked out the window at the sunset. The soft light of the fading sun brought a rosy warmth to Sugawara’s porcelain skin and gilded his silver hair with slivers of ruby, amber and topaz. The little mark that his eyelashes brushed beneath his eye was a speck of onyx set in his skin.

If Sugawara wasn’t so irritating, Tsukishima would have found him attractive. Sugawara was spending far too much time standing there in silence looking like a statue sculpted by the gods rather than getting straight to the point. If Tsukishima could get back to his book some time during this century, if not sooner, that would be fantastic.

“Even if it’s setting, if you stare at the sun you’ll go blind, Sugawara-san.” Tsukishima pushed his glasses up on his nose and set his book down in his lap.

Sugawara turned to him then and like he always did, gave an answer along with another one of his meaningless, complimentary smiles, “A lot of other things can make you go blind.”

 _Yea, like your fake smile._  Tsukishima held his tongue. “Yes, like mistaking hydrochloric acid for eye treatment,” Tsukishima said instead, more sharply than he meant to. His patience was running thin. “What is it, Sugawara-san?”

“You’re always like this.” Sugawara breathed out a forlorn sigh and he closed his eyes with his brow furrowed.

Tsukishima turned his head away. Even though his eyes were obscured by pale lids Tsukishima could practically feel Sugawara’s hurt radiating from him in tendrils of mist that unfurled in the air, reaching towards him. It was like poisoned incense and it made guilt curl up in Tsukishima’s stomach.

“I’m sorry.” He really meant it this time.

His apology was echoed, rendered from his tempered, even voice to the delicate rise and fall of Sugawara’s cadence. The ocean that was Sugawara’s voice wavered with sadness, “I’m sorry.” There was a long pause and Tsukishima was afraid to look at Sugawara. “That we don’t get along.”

Still reluctant to look at Sugawara, Tsukishima conceded, “We’ll try.”

In his memory he recalled that the timbre of Sugawara’s footsteps was no timbre at all. Only silence. So it was almost impossible to tell where Sugawara was if he was moving around the house. However, Tsukishima heard the rustling of his clothes and the creak of the fifth stair from the top. He knew that Sugawara was gone.

He looked at the place where Sugawara had stood moments before. Nothing remains, save for a warm spot in the carpet where his feet had been. _We’ll try._ The thought solidified in his mind. _I’ll try._ He adjusted his glasses and turned back to his book.

+

The rest of the night passed by without incident and Tsukishima was glad. As usual, they performed their strange dance of avoidance after their confrontation at the window. Though Tsukishima wasn’t sure if he could call it much of a confrontation at all. Matters were cleared, he supposed, and that was the only thing that mattered. Whether it was called a confrontation or something else did not concern him.

Night was his favourite time of day. People slept and therefore nobody would be awake to bother him with their trivial problems. He expected this night to be the same even with the addition of Sugawara in his home.

How wrong he was.

It began the same as any other night. Everyone else had already gone to bed and he was the last to quietly meander up the stairs at a leisurely pace. Nobody was up so his brisk pace and perfect posture were abandoned. He moved almost languidly as he made his way to his room. All the shields, defenses and walls he constructed in the morning melted away with the comfort of darkness.

Then a pair of pale arms shot out of the darkness. Tsukishima started when he felt a pair of cold, clammy hands latch onto his own hand.

Sugawara seemed to almost glow in the darkness, but not enough for Tsukishima to read his face. At this point Tsukishima just wanted to go to sleep and his gut twisted uncomfortably as his heart stuttered in his chest. He didn’t want to know what sort of expression Sugawara had right now.

“I have to talk to you.”

_Oh, great._

Before Tsukishima could even think Sugawara blurted in a tumble of words, “Can I call you Kei?”

Sugawara’s face was way too close and his breath still smelled like lavender. He was still holding Tsukishima’s hand and Tsukishima absolutely could not tolerate that.

All inhibition and logical thought was abandoned and Tsukishima defaulted to his knee-jerk reaction, which was to say “Yes”, shortly and tersely. He practically leaped out of Sugawara’s grasp before thinking of retracting his statement. _Fuck words. They pour out of your mouth and you can’t take them back._ “But only when there’s no one around.” He amended quickly before stalking to his room with a frown on his face.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Tsukki so salty! XD Who do you think is suffering more? Tsukki or Suga?
> 
> Let me know what you think in the comments below!


	2. Don't be ridiculous

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Weekends are always too short. It's Sugawara's first day of school as an exchange student.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh my gosh, I didn't mean for it to get so long. I hope you guys don't mind.

It was the beginning of yet another lazy Sunday spent delaying the arrival of Monday. Though the effort was always wasted since Tsukishima couldn’t stop time. If he could he would probably use those extra hours for sleeping or to pursue hobbies he never found room for in his schedule.

Nonetheless, Tsukishima treated himself to a good sleep in until 8:30am and stalled going downstairs for breakfast with music and a good book.

Sugawara was an early riser and would wake at 6:00am every morning without fail. If Tsukishima stalled long enough then by the time he's willing to leave his room Sugawara would have already returned to his own room doing whatever it was that he did.

Before turning each page he wiped his sweaty hands on his shirt. At least one of his books had terrible ink that smudged with moisture. He could never remember which ones though. The bedroom was swelteringly hot because the sun always shone on this side of the house. The small fan on his desk did nothing to help. It produced a breeze, but the breeze was warm and muggy. “Tch.”

Akiteru poked his head through the door, “We're going to the supermarket. You want to come along?”

Tsukishima shook his head, eyes still on the page, “I'll stay home.”

“Alright, we'll be leaving then.”

He listened for the garage door to stop it’s low rumble and watched the car slide out of the driveway from his window.

 _Yes!_ He had the whole house to himself. It’s rare to get times like this when he could do whatever he wanted whenever he wanted without judgement.

When he watched a funny video and laughed his father would magically pop up beside him to ask what he was laughing at. Then Tsukishima would have to give a long, detailed explanation about the joke. His seventeen years had allowed him ample time to perfect holding in his laughter so that he could watch as many funny videos as he wanted without interruption. However, some videos proved to be a challenge.

Despite those rare opportunities to be home alone he never really did anything particularly exciting. Aside from enjoying a moment of rather short lived solitude and quiet, that is.

The summer heat blistered the air and Tsukishima thought to open all the windows to cool down the house a bit. Only when he stuck his hand out the window the air outside was even hotter than it was inside. How frustrating. He’d rather be too cold than too hot. Being too cold was easily solvable. Just layer on some more clothes and he’d be at a nice toasty temperature. When it’s too hot it’s a much more difficult problem to fix.

Since he was home alone though, perhaps there was something he could do about that. Desperately pulling the front of his shirt in and out from his chest to air it out a bit, he trudged to the bathroom. He swore he would melt into the floorboards if the temperature got any hotter.

At the door he kicked off his slippers and set his foot on the cold tiles. A sigh of contentment escaped his lips.  _This is heaven._ He folded his long legs beneath him and wriggled into the bathroom on his back, making himself comfortable. The tiles leeched the excess heat from his skin and its cool touch spread all over his back. What a wonderful respite from the summer heat. Tsukishima couldn’t recall a hotter summer than this. The coming winter would probably be colder than last year’s to match this intense heat.

His eyes drifted closed and in this moment he felt at peace with the world for once. Enveloped in the cold touch of tiles. The comforting quiet was only disrupted by the cicadas outside. He could lie here for as long as he wanted and nobody would ask him “What are you doing?” He sighed and with that breath consciousness slowly left his lips to be replaced with sleepiness.

He was on the edges of a dream when he felt something soft and cool brush against his cheek. It trailed along his jawline and he leaned into its touch. This phantom dream felt kind of nice. The touch disappeared and so did his glasses.

His eyes snapped open. That wasn't a dream.

Sugawara was crouched down beside him. Still as a statue holding Tsukishima’s glasses.

Sugawara looked rather pink. Must be the heat. He avoided his eyes, awkwardly holding onto Tsukishima’s glasses. He seemed unsure whether to keep holding them or put them back on an irate Tsukishima’s face.

However, Tsukishima didn’t care anymore. Sugawara had already seen him lying on the bathroom floor for who knows how long. So there was no point in getting all up in arms about it.

Thankfully, Tsukishima wasn't the type to binge watch porn when home alone.

“What are you doing?” If Sugawara wanted to cool down on the floor as well then that was too bad. He was going to have to fight Tsukishima to share the small floor space.

“Your glasses were crooked.” Sugawara placed Tsukishima’s glasses back on his face, fingers lightly grazing his cheek.

They lingered on Tsukishima’s skin for one second too long. Tsukishima’s temper flared. When he didn’t like someone, for some reason everything they did was absolutely irritating.  

“What are you doing on the floor?”

 _Really? Can I not do anything without being questioned?_ ”Cooling down.” He replied tersely.

“Scoot over.”

“No.”

“Come on, move over, Kei.” Sugawara jabbed his side.

Tsukishima lurched away with a gasp. “Don’t.” _And don't call me by my fucking name!_

But Sugawara wasn’t about to give up just yet. He jabbed at Tsukishima’s ticklish sides. Tsukishima laughed against his will and tried his best to avoid bashing his head into the cabinet.

He was incredibly ticklish. An unfortunate fact that Sugawara took advantage of at times. Tsukishima glared at him while he caught his breath, “Are you trying to pick a fight?”

“No, but I'm melting like a snowman.” Sugawara squeezed Tsukishima’s side.

Tsukishima curled up protectively. “Urgh.”

“Let me cool down too. It looks like it works for you”

 _There it is. Sugawara’s damn whinging._ “Then stop,” hissed Tsukishima.

“Only if you share.”

“Fine. Just stop.” Very reluctantly, Tsukishima shuffled over to get to the coldest patch of tiles. He might as well take the coldest tiles available if he’s sharing the floor with Sugawara.

“Thank you.” Sugawara sidled up close to Tsukishima.

Their upper arms were pressed together. Despite the heat, Sugawara’s skin seemed to be permanently cold, just like his hands. If it weren’t Sugawara then Tsukishima might have found it pleasant.

“Can you not?” Tsukishima wrinkled his nose in disgust. There was clearly more space on Sugawara’s other side.

Sugawara’s annoying, soft, little laugh fluttered about the bathroom. He moved over. Long, pale fingers linked together to rest on his stomach. He closed his bright brown eyes in contentment.

“Always so prickly, Kei.”

Tsukishima was still glaring at Sugawara out of the corner of his eye. His pride would never allow him to back out of his promise to Sugawara’s strange request. The smile painted on Sugawara’s face as he said his name didn’t escape him. It was a soft and open one. A genuine smile that hid nothing. Not even malicious intent.

Tsukishima’s frown deepened. Sugawara made it irrational to hate him and Tsukishima hated irrationality. Since when had his dislike of Sugawara ever been logical though? He brushed the question away. It must be the heat making his mind hazy. There must be a reason. Some kind of pattern. People don’t just hate each other out of the blue.

He looked inward for an answer and found two words in a web of neurons: Insincerity and dishonesty. However, those two words didn’t quite fit.

There was no point in stressing about this slip up in logic for now. He filed away this interesting, but bothersome, question for another day. After all, he had all the time in the world.

There was time to observe this bizarre grey-haired boy to find out what it was that made Tsukishima recoil. If he could find it then Tsukishima could work with it and make things bearable.

+

Weekends were always too short and Monday made an unpleasant appearance. However, Tsukishima welcomed its ugly face this morning with a spring in his step that was unnoticeable to anyone but himself. His expression was much the same, placid with thinly veiled disgust.

He slung on his backpack. Once he made certain to grab his art folder he rushed Sugawara out of the house. Tsukishima wouldn’t have any exchange student under his roof late on the first day of school no matter how much he disliked them.

They tossed a quick “We’re heading out now!” to Tsukishima’s mother, Hotaru, before leaving.

“Be safe!” She trilled.

Akio peered over his newspaper, “Stay out of trouble. Not that I need to tell you, Suga-kun.” He chuckled.

Akio was quite taken with Sugawara. It took less than an hour of Sugawara living in the Tsukishima household for Tsukishima to conclude that Akio finally had the second son he had always wanted.

When Akiteru was born he was absolutely thrilled. Even more so when he grew up to become a kind and outgoing young man. Tsukishima was sure he was a disappointment to his father. He always whined, “Why can’t you be kinder, Kei?”, “You’re too quiet. You need to get out there and be more social.”

It didn’t bother Tsukishima much. He was still his mother’s favourite.

Still, everyone was fond of Sugawara. He seemed to assimilate into any group of people exceptionally well. A little fact that was apparent to Tsukishima even when he had first met the boy.

They stepped out of the door and the scenery opened up before them with the chilly breath of morning.

The Tsukishimas lived right on the edge of the suburbs. The location had the convenience of three different supermarkets within a short driving distance and peaceful natural surroundings mere metres away from the house. Tsukishima’s home was across a large natural reserve which seamlessly became farmland. Beyond the farmland were either hills or mountains. He wasn’t sure which. Craggy and rocky, they were too big to be hills but too small to be called mountains.

The sky was a lovely bright blue edged with a blush of violet dusted gold and coppery by the low morning sun. A beauty that could be enjoyed daily. The plumes of misty white that rose up from the roots of those not-mountains, however, were a true treasure to behold. Soon, Tsukishima knew, they would become small clouds floating off those zig-zag peaks.

Being in a generous mood, Tsukishima deigned to gently lead Sugawara by the elbow and pointed out the not-mountains of his favourite scenery. “Look over there. See those white things rising up from the ground? That’s how clouds are made.”

While Sugawara was busy being enthralled with the young clouds, Tsukishima hastily detached his hand and surreptitiously wiped it on his trousers. Sugawara thrived on familiar touches, but Tsukishima most definitely did not.

Sugawara tore his eyes away from the beautiful sight. “That’s so beautiful. Do you mind if we cross the road to take a photo?” Autumn eyes shone in the morning light. Another genuine smile adorned his face.

Tsukishima thought it suited Sugawara better than those strained, polite smiles he had all the time. _Hmm, there’s still plenty of time and he asked politely._ “Not at all.”

They trudged across the road and Sugawara snapped a few photos on his own.

“Kei, come here for a moment.” Sugawara waved him over.

 _He probably wants me to take a photo for him._ Tsukishima held his hand out ready to take Sugawara’s camera.

Instead he found the startling, cold touch of Sugawara’s hand in his. Before he could react he was pulled to Sugawara’s side. As though petrified by the cold from Sugawara’s hand, Tsukishima almost didn’t register the snap of the camera Sugawara held above them.

“I’m going to set this as my wallpaper.” Sugawara chirped.

 _The photo actually isn’t that bad_ , Tsukishima admitted begrudgingly after a brief glance at the screen. Sugawara looked as he always did in any photo: angelic. Hair glimmering silver with a smile to match. Tsukishima for once didn’t look like he was about to dish out a sarcastic remark to some idiot in passing. Mouth slightly parted in surprise, his hair was a spiky halo of soft gold. They stood close together (more like Tsukishima was dragged to Sugawara’s side) and the landscape sprawled behind them.

Tsukishima barely smothered the look of disgust on his face. His hand itched to clean itself. _Hold it in_ , he commanded himself.

Sugawara remained blissfully ignorant and happy. They both resumed walking to school. As soon as Sugawara turned his head Tsukishima wiped his hand clean.

It wasn't exactly anything personal against Sugawara. Tsukishima just didn't like to be touched in general (Okay, maybe a little bit personal). In contrast, Sugawara seemed to express friendliness with touch. Perhaps this was one of the things that made them clash.

The first time Sugawara gave one of his casual touches was in the early days of Tsukishima’s stay in Japan. Tsukishima would never admit it, but he was nervous about going to school since he didn't know anyone. Furthermore, his family was on the other side of the world. In their place were strangers in an unfamiliar house. It was intimidating. For some inexplicable reason Sugawara knew this. Worse, Tsukishima knew that he knew. Sugawara had patted his shoulder to comfort Tsukishima. His intentions were good, but Tsukishima was too proud to accept it. Tsukishima had very politely asked Sugawara not to touch him. The hurt on Sugawara’s face was palpable and Tsukishima felt immensely guilty. Sugawara left the room. After that Tsukishima never felt the need to explain that he didn’t like to be touched since Sugawara never asked.

In hindsight, perhaps he should have. Right now, Sugawara seemed happy with the morning thus far. Tsukishima concluded that Sugawara enjoyed nature and liked physical contact as an expression of friendliness.

 _1\. Start_ _off Sugawara’s morning with good feelings: Complete._

+

As usual, Tsukishima was the first one to arrive at form class. With Sugawara in tow, they were the only ones there in the carpeted classroom full of desks and empty chairs.

Tsukishima was at a loss. Getting here early was one thing, getting here so early with twenty minutes to spare was another. Small talk was the bane of his existence and he could already feel tension rolling from Sugawara already.

Or maybe he was just imagining it. Sugawara was looking at Tsukishima yes, but he appeared completely at ease. There was excitement glimmering in his brown eyes.

“What’s the teacher like, Kei? Their desk looks really fancy.”

The teacher’s desk at the front was a grand wooden one laden with gleaming fountain pens. There was even this ridiculous peacock quill and a little ink bottle beside it. Knowing Mr. Hawkesworth, their form class teacher, Tsukishima suspected the desk may be made out of real mahogany.

“Mr. Hawkesworth,” Tsukishima began with a rare smile, “is a very kind and interesting man. Well-traveled. He’s quite witty and he teaches English. I think you’ll like him.”

No sooner had Tsukishima said the words, the man himself strode into his classroom with an air befitting of a nobleman. His fatherly face was ruddy with a wide smile and his snow-white hair was like a friar’s due to balding. Mr. Hawkesworth wore his usual blue suit matched with a white silk cravat.

“Good morning, Mr. Hawkesworth.” Tsukishima stood and lead Sugawara by the elbow like he had earlier that morning.

“Good morning, sir,” Greeted Sugawara in English coloured by the slightest hint of a Japanese accent. Out of habit, he bowed to the teacher.

“Ah!” Exclaimed Mr. Hawkesworth, “You must be Koushi. It’s a pleasure to meet you.” He shook Sugawara’s hand heartily, a wide friendly smile crinkled around his eyes.

“It’s a pleasure to meet you too. I like your desk and pens very much.”

Conversation flowed from there without Tsukishima having to say much. Such is the power of Mr. Hawkesworth. Tsukishima was both relieved and envious. He wished he could talk to people like the charismatic teacher.

They talked about Miyagi, where Sugawara lived, and all the places in Japan Mr. Hawkesworth once traveled to. “Kyoto, absolutely beautiful! The ancient temples are truly a delight.”

Sugawara even got to have a go at doing some calligraphy with Mr. Hawkesworth’s peacock quill. The feather gleamed iridescent green and blue as it twirled from Sugawara’s hand with every movement. For some reason Sugawara was hiding whatever he was writing. Probably some girl’s name back home Sugawara didn’t want him to know. Tsukishima was more entranced with how the feather caught the light.

“Finished. What do you think?”

Sugawara showed them the scrap of parchment. The penmanship was flawless. Dark green ink formed letters with tasteful flourishes and little diamonds here and there. Tsukishima squinted, _What does it say?_

“You’re a natural at this,” complimented Mr. Hawkesworth. “How sweet of you to write Kei’s name. It’s lovely to see Kei getting along with someone other than Tadashi.” His blue eyes twinkled with mirth.

Tsukishima did a double-take. _My name?_ He picked up the parchment and pulled it closer to his face. Now that Mr. Hawkesworth had pointed it out, the letters were unmistakable. That was quite a feat, turning the letters of his name into sweeping curves. The letters in his English name were mostly composed of straight lines after all.

“Kei, would you like to have a go?” The teacher offered him the peacock quill.

“I’d love to.” How could he refuse? He had always liked the quill. Taking the quill in his hand it was light, but still had a weight to it since it was so long.

Rubbing his knuckle over his lip, Tsukishima mulled over what he should write. Nothing in particular came to mind, so he supposed he should return the favour.

Sugawara’s name was the opposite. It was made mostly of curved letters. In turn, Tsukishima transformed then into precise straight lines. Thick ones adorned with needle-thin ones with a single perfect square to dot the “i”.

When he had finished Mr. Hawkesworth laid them out side by side on the desk. “Your personality shows through here, Kei. Analytical and precise.”

Sugawara’s words were plant-like in a natural tumble of tangled curves. Free and alive as though it had a living breath. In comparison, Tsukishima’s were minimalistic and possessed a machine’s precision.

Tsukishima found it interesting that their calligraphy couldn’t be more mismatched to the names they penned.  _How ironic._

Mr. Hawkesworth handed Sugawara what Tsukishima had written for him, “I’m sure Kei would take good care of you while you’re here.” The teacher gave Tsukishima a meaningful look, sharp blue eyes behind wireframe glasses. Mr. Hawkesworth pressed Sugawara’s elaborate rendition of Tsukishima’s name into the palm of his hand“Won’t you, Kei?”

 _It’s only been twenty minutes. How did he know?_ “Of course, sir.” Tsukishima smiled, willing it to reach his eyes. He was slightly unnerved. The man was known to be perceptive to the point of clairvoyance. Tsukishima knew this, but he was still surprised.

The bell rang and they returned to their seats. Other students lazily filled the seats.

Nonetheless, the task at hand was done.

_2\. Introduce Sugawara to the teacher: Complete_

+

“What do we have for first period?”

 _Ah, that’s right._ Tsukishima had almost forgotten. Last week he had dropped by the office to grab a map of the school and Sugawara’s timetable. To be safe, he had a copy as well in case of emergencies where he had to get Sugawara out of class. Slinging his bag to the front, he rummaged around plastic folders to find the sheets.

“I have Statistics first. If I recall correctly, you have ESOL in one of the prefabs.” He handed the papers to a bewildered Sugawara. “I’ll walk you there. It’s at the other end of the school.”

“ESOL, that’s English for foreigners right?”

“That’s right. Just like Japanese for foreigners when I was at Karasuno.”

Sugawara was quiet after that, staring at the map in his hand as they walked briskly to class. His eyes weren’t even moving though. Misted and unfocused.

Sucking in a breath, Tsukishima had to think fast. He was not the person to go to when there was a crying person involved. “Are you nervous?”

Sugawara blinked, his mind returning back to earth for a moment. His voice quavered with disappointment, “A bit. I thought we’d be taking classes together.”

“Ah. Yes, it’s a bit different here.” Tsukishima adjusted his glasses with a slim finger. “We have separate classes for exchange students. In addition to that, they could choose one or two optional classes where they could mingle with the local students.”

He leaned over to point at the blank slots on Sugawara’s timetable, their shoulders brushed. “They’ll sort those classes out for you in ESOL today.” 

Watching Sugawara closely, he seemed reassured with colour in his cheeks. Words and logical reasoning would do nothing to calm him, but a brush of the shoulders would do. Warmth from his shoulders transferred to Sugawara’s cold ones. It seemed to do the job so Tsukishima drifted away until they were once again at a respectable distance more to his taste.

Tsukishima’s tall frame sheared through the throng of students like a knife. Soon enough, they had made it to Sugawara’s classroom.

An array of prefabs simmered in the heat rising from the tennis courts they were assembled upon. Tsukishima gestured to the one labeled “P10” and strode towards it with Sugawara following closely behind him.

The school had been growing in numbers for a few years now and management had decided they needed more classrooms and teachers. Rumour had it they were planning to build a new house to add to their current six houses.

Of course, the tennis team grumbled about losing their courts. Tsukishima thought it was selfish of them to complain. There was nowhere else they could have put the prefabs. Also, there were tennis courts available a short walk away in a park nearby the school. They could practise there instead.

In the searing heat, a couple of other exchange students waited outside P10. There was an Italian girl with dark brown ringlets tumbling from a ponytail high upon her head. Tsukishima never caught her name, though he thought she was very beautiful. Beside her was the German exchange student, Abel, who took Art Design with Tsukishima. A tall, burly boy with reddish hair and a friendly face.  

“Hello, Kei.” Waved Abel with a grin.

“ _Hallo._ ” Grinned Tsukishima. Abel had been teaching him some German. It was quite fun.

“Is this your homestay brother?” Abel flashed his eyebrows at Sugawara who stood awkwardly to the side. 

“Yes.”

Sensing his discomfort, the Italian girl took both Sugawara’s hands and pulled him into their circle. “Oh, you must be nervous.” She smiled kindly. “We must get along and be friends.” Her English was perfect. 

They chitchatted for a bit. Tsukishima learned that the girl’s name was Rhea. 

Glancing at his watch, Tsukishima hastily excused himself. “I have to get to Stats at K-block.”

“You'll have to sprint then,” Abel laughed. “I’ll see you in Design. We’ll look after Koushi for you.” He thumped Sugawara hard on the back, causing him to lose his balance. 

That earned Abel a solid scolding from Rhea. “Don’t be so rough with him! You’re like Hercules or something, not knowing how to hold back your strength.”

“I’ll leave him to you then. Please refrain from breaking his bones.” Tsukishima said with a straight face. He smiled inwardly when he saw Sugawara blanch.

 With that he dashed back to the far end of the school. Long legs helped him arrive right on the dot as the teacher was unlocking the door.

Finally, a full five hours without Sugawara. Six hours if Sugawara’s good looks worked in Tsukishima’s favour. The girls would no doubt have him in their clutches during morning tea and lunch time. It was going to be an excellent day. Tsukishima could feel it in his bones.

_3\. Make sure Sugawara gets to his first class: Complete_

+ 

Stats as usual made time slow to a crawl. A man on the verge of death would feel as though he had achieved immortality just by taking this class alone. It was Tsukishima’s least favourite subject because it was just like English. In turn, English was actually history and social studies in disguise. Physics was math. Biology was chemistry and chemistry was physics. In short, everything was somehow related.

At least the music was alright. Mrs. Pearson liked to put on Mozart during classes. “It stimulates the mind!” she told them.

Since the seating plan was done in alphabetical order, Tsukishima always found himself at the back of the classroom. An arrangement that he preferred since he was tall and he could stare out the window for as long as he wanted without getting caught. Right now, a sparrow was picking at the ground outside looking for a tasty worm. 

But something more interesting caught his eye in the classroom.  

It was Shane.

Now, Shane was quite a character. If there was one thing he couldn’t stand, it was being forbidden to talk in class. The kind of person who just couldn’t control what came out of his mouth. Anything that inadvertently tumbled out of his mouth promised to entertain.

Tsukishima watched with interest. 

At first, Shane’s knee bobbed up and down intermittently. Then it was moving at full throttle until his knobbly knee was a mere blur. As if that wasn’t enough, he had started to click his pen. Adding to that irritating click, his fingers were drumming loudly on his desk. All the while, Mozart’s melodies wrapped around him. 

Mrs. Pearson’s eyebrow twitched. If Shane wasn’t about to snap then she was, just from his incessant fidgeting. 

The music crescendoed and at its climax Shane could stand the silence no longer. He slammed his hands on the table. He stood up so fast his chair tipped and clattered to the ground. “Miss, ME AND TIM ARE GAY!” His scream ended and a soprano trilled loudly from the speakers in an explosion of violins. 

The classroom erupted into guffaws! Mrs. Pearson screeched, “ENOUGH!”  

They all quieted, knowing not to push the strict teacher’s buttons too much.  

Unfortunately, Tsukishima’s bladder had other ideas.

Mrs. Pearson was quite particular about going to the bathroom during class. She had lectured them imperiously, “You should go to the bathroom _before_ or _after_ class.” 

Very quietly, trying not to draw attention, Tsukishima tip-toed up to the teacher’s desk. 

Sticking her tongue out in concentration, Mrs. Pearson was busy grading piles upon piles of student’s papers. Tsukishima waited patiently. 

“Is something the matter, Kei?” Her voice sounded strained. 

Tsukishima decided that a sincere, low tone would work best. “I’m very sorry, but may I please go to the bathroom, Mrs. Pearson?” 

She pinched the bridge of her nose, stress lines evident between her brows before sighing. “Of course, of course. At least you’re miles away from failing.” She gestured at the hieroglyphic scrawl she was grading with a sharp, bony finger. With a tired wave of her hand she gave him permission to leave. 

“Favouritism!” 

“Shut up, Shane. You can go to the bathroom whenever you want when you manage to pass!” The teacher snapped.

The remark was quickly followed by a chorus of “Ooooh!”s and Mrs. Pearson rolled her eyes.

+ 

Taking his sweet time, Tsukishima made sure to prolong every step and spent at least ten minutes in the stall. He’d try for twenty minutes, but that would raise too many questions. Keeping a good reputation with the teachers was always handy, so Tsukishima was mindful of that.

As cool water ran between his fingers, Tsukishima’s thoughts drifted to Shane’s little prank.  Tim had gone unusually quiet after Shane’s screamed declaration. The expression was indecipherable and he kept glancing at Shane without sassing him with his usual whispered quips. What if Shane was serious? 

It would be an interesting development if it were true. 

The stall behind him opened with a soft click and the teal door swung open. When Tsukishima glanced up at the mirror he was perplexed.

 _What is he doing here? This bathroom is nowhere near his class._  

Sugawara washed his hands beside Tsukishima.  

“You look awful, Sugawara-san.” That was the truth. Sugawara’s skin was pale, as it always was, but lacked that certain brightness that made him glow. The corners of his mouth drooped ever so slightly and excited brown eyes from that morning were now downcast.  

”What happened?”  

As he thought, Sugawara slapped on an insufferable smile that was far too tight and flashed too many teeth, “I’m fine. Don’t worry.” 

Tsukishima pursed his lips. It was obvious that Sugawara was hiding something. That something was most likely a problem if Sugawara’s unnatural expression was anything to go by. 

“Ok.” Tsukishima turned and made his way back to class. He wasn’t a miracle worker and if there was anything wrong with Sugawara he’d have to tell Tsukishima. Otherwise there was nothing he could do to help the annoyingly secretive Sugawara.  

What a shame. They were doing so well that morning. 

+ 

Yamaguchi was grinning like a fox. Walking home with Tsukishima had always been a relaxing experience. The conversation was one-sided, since Yamaguchi did most of the talking. Usually about what happened that day at school or something cool he found in a game.

At first he thought his constant chatter annoyed Tsukishima when they were younger. As they grew up together Yamaguchi realised that Tsukishima didn’t mind at all. In fact, he was quietly interested in Yamaguchi’s life. Yamaguchi figured this out by seeing when Tsukishima put his headphones on. If he didn’t care then they would be on in less than a second. Tsukishima was actually an easy person to read once Yamaguchi learned the signs.

Today, his headphones were off, as usual. The difference was that Yamaguchi chose to talk about the most mundane things, pausing regularly and gave Tsukishima a questioning look. He hoped it would be so boring that Tsukishima might talk about his day. Sometimes it worked.

_How long before he notices?_

“Wait a minute.” Tsukishima slung off his backpack and proceeded to rummage through it. “I think I forgot something.”

Yamaguchi snorted.

“What? I have a feeling it’s important.”

“Really?” Yamaguchi raised an eyebrow.

“Argh. It’s my art folder.” Tsukishima’s face pinched in annoyance. “I’ll have to grab it tomorrow.”

 _Well that was a disappointment_ , thought Yamaguchi. Maybe he needed an extra push.

“So,” Yamaguchi gave a dramatic pause to catch Tsukishima’s attention. His lip quivered, trying to keep a straight face. “How’s Sugawara-san?”

Yamaguchi burst out laughing, slapping his knee. Tsukishima’s face. It was like those Mount Rushmore faces. Except instead of looking dignified, Tsukishima looked utterly horrified with wide, petrified eyes.

Between gasps, Yamaguchi pointed a finger at him, “You forgot, didn’t you?”

“Shut up, Yamaguchi.” Tsukishima shot behind his back when he sprinted back to school.

Yamaguchi laughed so hard that his sides hurt and tears were leaking out of his eyes.

 _Sugawara-san would not be happy._ Yamaguchi shook his head in amusement.

+

If Suga was good at anything, it was waiting and following instructions. So here he was, waiting outside the common room for 45 minutes, and counting, under very strict instructions from Tsukishima. “Wait outside the common room at the end of the day so I can come and get you. I might be late because I have questions for the teacher. Absolutely don't go wandering off on your own.”

 _Tsukishima must have lots of questions._ Suga wondered what class it was. He only knew Tsukishima took Art Design from Abel.

Speaking of Abel, he had caught Suga after class. 

“Hey, Koushi! Kei left this behind. Do you think you can return it to him?” Abel held up a large art folder, muscles rippling on his forearms.

“Of course, I think he would appreciate it. Thank you, Abel.” 

Suga took Tsukishima’s art folder. He almost dropped it from the unexpected weight. “Oof!”

“Careful!” Abel quickly caught the folder. “I'm sorry, I should have told you it was heavy.”

“It’s no problem. Do you art students draw with bricks?”

“No, but we might as well be.” Abel proffered an identical black folder to Suga. “Hold my folder for a minute and guess what's inside.”

Carefully, Suga placed Tsukishima’s art folder on a table. Tsukishima cared a lot about his work. Even at home the art folder hardly left his side.

He took Abel’s folder, ready for the weight this time. But he was still thrown off guard. If anything, Abel’s folder was even heavier than Tsukishima’s. “Forget dumbbells, you can do exercise with this instead.”

“I know! What do you think is inside?”

“Rocks?”

Abel snorted, throwing his head back. Reddish hair fiery in the sunlight.

Suga smiled, “Probably lots of paint and pencils.”

Abel then laid out his art folder on the table and unzipped it. Inside were soft pastels, watercolours, several different kinds of pens Suga couldn’t identify, packs of charcoal, pads and pads of paper of different grades--all of them stacked meticulously like tetris blocks.

“My treasures.” Abel said with a hint of pride. “Most people think it’s the paints and mediums that are the heaviest. Really, it’s the paper.”

With efficiency, Abel zipped up his art folder, “What do you think is in Kei’s art folder?”

Suga hummed. “I can’t picture him using mediums like yours. Probably something that gives him accurate lines? Mechanical pencils?”

“He’s definitely a really precise guy.” Laughed Abel. In a flash his expression turned serious. The light casted sharp shapes of shadow and light across his friendly face. His red hair burned like fire. “You never know what’s inside unless you open it up and have a good look.”

Taken aback by the sudden change, Suga blinked. In that instance the serious expression vanished as though it was never there. Before he knew it, Abel had walked off with a cheery wave, “Good luck, Koushi.”

“Thanks.” Suga automatically replied with a smile. _Good luck for what though?_

“Sugawara-san!” Tsukishima appeared around the corner in a flash of black and gold.

All the pieces fell into place and Suga paled. He clenched his fists to stop his fingers from shaking. _How did Abel find out?_ His chest constricted. His breath quickened. Realisation dawned upon him: Rhea. There was no other explanation. His palms were getting sweaty. He knew that his eyes were wide and his face had gone slack. In his moment of panic he had neither the time nor energy to organise his features into something normal. Everyone would find out and Tsukishima would hate him even more. 

Tsukishima was saying something, but Suga couldn’t hear him. Suga stared at his mouth. His voice sounds nice.

“Sugawara-san?”

He gave no answer.

“Look, I’m sorry.” Tsukishima threw his hands up in frustration. “We really have to get home now, otherwise mother would worry.”

Finally, Suga managed to snap out of it. Tsukishima was prickly as usual. _He doesn’t know anything._ Suga had to make certain of this.

“You don’t like me very much,” stated Suga plainly.

Watching Tsukishima closely, Suga saw his nose begin to wrinkle in disgust. Less than a fraction of a second later it was completely smooth. After a long pause Tsukishima muttered, “Don’t be ridiculous.”

Relief crashed over him like a tidal wave. He laughed as he handed over Tsukishima’s art folder. “Abel said you forgot this.” He was so relieved he could cry, but that would have to wait until bedtime. For now, he’ll laugh.

“Did you hit your head?” Tsukishima asked sharply. Tsukishima looked him over quickly, scanning for injuries.

“No, I’m fine.” Suga grinned.

Tsukishima glared at him before dousing the heat in his pale gold eyes with cool indifference.

 _He lied to me_ , Suga thought happily. _If he’s lying then it means he really doesn’t know anything._

+

Sugawara was acting weird. There was no observable evidence to support this, but Tsukishima trusted his intuition. Something wasn’t quite right and he was going to fix it.

Talking it out would be a pointless venture. Sugawara was incredibly tight-lipped about any problems be it big or small. It made interacting with him difficult. Thus, pinpointing the source of the problem was nigh impossible. All Tsukishima could do was treat the symptoms.

So what were the symptoms? Sugawara seemed happy. It was supposed to be a good thing. Somehow, it felt fake. Therefore the task at hand would be to make that happiness a reality. A shabby, temporary fix, but a fix nonetheless. Tsukishima had just the thing for it.

“Come, I’m going to show you something.”

Tsukishima led Sugawara down a long, winding path through a small park. It continued through a little alleyway between two tall wooden fences. Jade green vines wrapped themselves around every surface, clinging to the wood. Nestled among dark-green leaves morning glories bloomed vibrantly in sapphire hues. For the past few years they had managed to converge in the space between the fences at the top to form a tunnel of dappled shade.

Tsukishima raised a hand and gestured down the tunnel. “A nice place,” he said modestly.

Wonder swept across Sugawara’s face. _Good._  His prescribed medicine seemed to be working.

Sugawara continued down the tunnel and Tsukishima followed him, still keeping a close watch on his face. The fake happiness was fading fast.

Sugawara paused to admire a particularly large flower. It was roughly the size of Tsukishima’s hand. “Do you know what these flowers mean?”

“No,” Tsukishima had never really bothered with floriography. What was the point in talking with flowers when you could say it clearly and directly with words? Akiteru on the other hand was crazy about it. A passion he shared with their father. “But I do know that their seeds can give you hallucinations.”

“How do you know that?” Sugawara gasped.

Tsukishima heard Sugawara’s silent question loud and clear. What Sugawara really wanted to know was “Have you tried it?”

“I read it in a book.”

“Hmm.” Sugawara cupped one of the flowers thoughtfully with a curious glint in his eye.

Tone sharp, Tsukishima aimed to shoot down the idea before it could become something more, “Sugawara-san, you are not going to trip out on morning glory seeds.”

“I don’t know,” Thumbing the bright blue blossom with a tender touch, Sugawara leaned in to breathe in the sweet perfume. His eyes slid shut and his voice was so quiet Tsukishima had to step closer to hear him, “Curiosity might tempt me. You’ll have to make sure I get home without any interesting detours from now on.”

Suddenly they were too close. This time it wasn’t Sugawara’s fault. Actually, it kind of was. If he wasn’t talking so quietly then Tsukishima wouldn’t be leaning into Sugawara from trying to listen to what he was saying. Sugawara was still looking at the flower. Tsukishima’s skin tingled, electric with the proximity. Not touching, but too close. Almost touching. Before Tsukishima could lurch away Sugawara’s eyes were laughing beneath silver lashes and he stepped away, dropping the blue flower.

Sugawara was already at the end of the tunnel by the time Tsukishima collected himself, “Let’s go home, Kei.”

+

Dinner was agonising. Yamaguchi couldn’t keep his mouth shut and now everyone knew that he had forgotten to take Sugawara home.

Hotaru and Akiteru laughed at the hilarity of the situation. Humiliating, but a relief compared to his father’s rage when he got home.

“How could you forget something so important? What if he got kidnapped?” He emphasised with a sharp jab of his chopsticks.

Tsukishima sat stiffly waiting for the lecture to stop. All the while, Akio gestured wildly with chopsticks in hand, flinging rice everywhere. 

“Akio calm down. I am not cleaning up all that rice,” chided Hotaru.

Akio’s words weren’t unreasonable and Tsukishima actually agreed with him. However, Tsukishima’s pride wouldn’t let him admit fault. Instead he glared out the window, annoyed that there was no rebuttal he could make, no excuse for his failure.

_4\. Bring Sugawara home safely: Failed. Required second attempt._

“Tsukishima only remembers things that he likes.” Sugawara interjected as he got himself more salmon. “I'll just have to make him notice me.” He rested the tips of his chopsticks on his lip, shooting a devilish look at Tsukishima.

_Was that...a threat?_

Akiteru laughed and clapped Tsukishima on the back. “It’s true that my little brother has a very selective memory.”

+

That night Tsukishima dreamed of mist and sunlight and morning glories. He was back inside that tunnel, just like any other Summer’s day. Warm and golden sunlight poured in like honey. Sweet and sticky heat dripping between green, heart-shaped leaves. Wherever he walked, blossoms unfurled in a spiral motion. They were bright and impossibly blue. Perfect and beautiful. He reached out to touch one when everything became shiny.

Thin veils of mist billowed and twisted in sweeping, curling tendrils out of the trumpeted flowers. It only made them more enchanting in the shimmering haze. Tsukishima knew he should be running, but he didn’t want to. He wanted to be here. To see more. To feel good.

“Kei.” They whispered.

“Who’s there?”

His name seeped out of every vine. “Kei.” With every whisper there was more mist. Tsukishima hoped they wouldn’t stop.

“Tell me, Kei.” The tunnel was thick with mist carpeting the ground. Tsukishima couldn’t even see his feet. They rose in twirling spires. Indistinct at first, then there were faces. Lithe arms and graceful legs unfolded in a sensuous dance of arched backs and sweet caresses that felt like cashmere on Tsukishima’s skin. Shimmering spectres with starlit hair breathed and sighed his name as they floated freely in the tunnel of bright blue flowers.

One of them curled itself around him in dreamy, white smoke. It floated closer until it was hovering above Tsukishima, an angel without wings. It held his face close to its own impossibly beautiful one and gently stroked his cheeks. “What do morning glories mean?” it asked mournfully in a thousand whispers.

Tsukishima could see a black mole dark on porcelain skin. Every eyelash was gilded silver and in its eyes he found all the shades of Autumn. Brown, reddish hues and little gold flecks. In the black mirror of its pupils he saw himself. Pale gold eyes heavy lidded with an expression he didn’t recognise.

Then there were cool fingers in his hair and the taste of lavender on his lips. His hands found themselves pressed against bare skin, pulling Sugawara closer to him. Urgent lips parted and he licked into Sugawara’s mouth. Sugawara moaned hot and heavy in Tsukishima’s mouth. A single tear slid down his face, trailed down his delicate jaw and dripped on Tsukishima’s skin. It burned like lava. Tsukishima struggled to pull away. Vines and morning glories spilled out of Sugawara’s smoky fingertips and held him close. The tear ate through flesh and bone and wormed inside his heart. The vines grew tighter, cutting into his skin. With every heartbeat a forest fire roared through his veins. Tsukishima screamed.

Jerking out of bed Tsukishima woke with his heart hammering painfully in his chest. Blinking sweat from his eyes he shivered uncontrollably. Only a moment ago it felt like he had been dropped into a volcano. Why was it so cold? He curled up and wrapped the blanket closer to him.  They were soaked through with cold sweat, sticking to his clammy skin. Wasting no time he ripped off the duvet and mattress covers. He went to the closet in the hallway to get fresh sheets. To get there he had to pass by Sugawara’s room. He hoped the door was closed but of course the world conspired against him.

There Sugawara was. Sleeping undisturbed by horrible nightmares. _What was that disgusting dream?_ Tsukishima screamed in his mind.

As quickly as possible he snatched the fresh sheets he was looking for and hurried back to the safety of his room.

Thankfully, he returned to a dreamless sleep unhaunted by shimmering spectres with starlit hair. When morning came the dream vanished with the dew outside his window.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> To save you guys the Google search, morning glories have a few meanings. "Unrequited love" being one of them. The other meanings are "Mortality of life" and "Love that is in vain".
> 
> As always, comments and feedback are very welcome! Let me know what you think =D


	3. Pathetic

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Only two types of people keep you awake at night: people you love and people you hate.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh my god it's been so long since the last update! Classes have me working really hard, so I've had less time to write. Anyways, I hope you enjoy this update =D

Hotaru was a worrier. She couldn’t remember a time when she wasn’t worried about at least one thing. When she was younger she used to worry about her siblings a lot. Were they being bullied at school? Did they have enough to eat? After she gave birth to Akiteru she cried for days because she realised she had no clue on how to get him to stop crying. So adult and baby cried day and night. Akio had to call her older brother to calm her down. These days her greatest worry was Kei.

He used to be such a charming and friendly child. Somewhere along the way, she didn’t know when, he changed. He closed himself off and became quiet. Sometimes she wondered where that child went.

“Ow!” Kei had just walked into the door.

Suga quickly steadied him, “Are you okay?”

Bleary-eyed and cranky first thing in the morning, Kei muttered an irritated “Yes” and all but shrugged off Suga’s hand.

 _He’s not bothering to hide his distaste today. Probably too tired. How odd._ She distinctly remembered Kei heading to bed early last night.

Hotaru noted Suga was faring no better than Kei either. The beginnings of shadows appeared beneath his eyes. Neither of them were getting enough sleep for boys their age.

All the same, they left the house in one piece. Hotaru felt tempted to give them a ride to school instead. She watched them leave and hoped they would notice cars while they crossed the road.

Akio folded up his morning newspaper. “Honey, do you ever get the feeling that there’s something wrong with Kei?”

“Wrong?” Hotaru frowned. Akio had always clashed with Kei since he could talk. This “wrong” he’s talking about better not be about Kei thinking differently to him.

“Yea, he’s so mean and antisocial.”

Hotaru knew exactly where this was going. She’d let him talk and tuned him out as she sipped her earl grey. Another regular morning. She’s long since stopped the eye rolling since there was no point.

“I wish he was more like Akiteru,” Akio continued, “I feel like he would be happier if he was.”

She set her cup down on the saucer and sighed, “Akio, Kei is Kei. Akiteru is Akiteru. You can’t expect them both to be the same.” Though admittedly, she thought Kei would be happier too if he opened up to people more, if he let people into his world.

“I know, but--”

She gave him _the_ look. The look that said _You know I’m right and there’s no debate about it._

“It’s just,” Akio scratches at the back of his neck, stumbling for words he couldn’t quite get out. He wanted to say many things, but all those wishes culminated into one simple sentence: “I want him to be happy.”

“I know, dear.”

Akio looked out the window pensively and he was silent for a time.

“If only he could get along with Suga-kun.”

Hotaru threw up her hands in frustration and took her tea to the lounge. “Akio! We’ve been over this point before.”

Akio called after her, “Yes, but I feel like they’d be great friends!”

“You feel an awful lot of things,” she shot over her shoulder.

Akio laughed, “Yea, I do.”

“That wasn’t a compliment.”

Like the dork he was after all these years, Akio placed both his hands on his hips and puffed out his chest proudly. “I know.”

Hotaru fought back a smile. She hid it by drinking her tea.

Akio snapped his fingers. “So that’s where Kei gets it from. He inherited your sass.”

“Do you love my sass?”

“Well, of course.” He waved a hand in front of him. It was a given so she shouldn’t even be asking.

“Then why can’t you love Kei the way he is?”

Akio was stunned into silence. Frozen, he blinked at her. He couldn’t argue with that.

“Exactly my point.” Hotaru smiled smugly and finished off her tea.

+

Suga waited nervously outside his class for Rhea. Fidgeting with the strap on his bag he rehearsed exactly what he was going to say. Here was his plan: Catch Rhea before class and ask her if she told anyone about it. Maybe ask her opinion on how Abel found out. He had to say it in a way that wouldn’t offend her as well. It’s a simple plan but he couldn’t stop stressing over it, hands still fidgeting. Fingers tightening, releasing, tightening, releasing--until his palms were riddled with tiny purple crescents from his nails. He kept thinking about all the other ways Abel could have found out last night. What if somebody noticed? The horror! He thought he hid it well. When and how did he mess up? He kept thinking and thinking but ended up in circles until he couldn't keep his eyes open anymore.

Maybe he would feel less nervous if he rested his eyes a bit. Lids slide over tired eyes. For a moment he felt a little better. Then the fear and dread settled heavy in his stomach.

Just as he started to feel panic coming a bright voice called out to him across the courtyard.

“Morning!”

It was Rhea, already cheerful and energised early in the morning. Suga envied her for a moment.

“Good morning!” Suga waved her over. “Rhea, can I talk to you for a minute?”

“Of course.” She hung her backpack on one of the hooks outside the classroom. “What did you want to talk about?”

He led her away from their classmates and spoke in hushed whispers.

“Abel. He knows. He knows that I’m…” _Breathe! Just spit it out!_  He closed his eyes, worried lines between his eyebrows. “I’m...” He couldn’t--no. He didn’t want to say it out loud. Keep it away, lock it away so deep inside him nobody could see it!

His tongue felt strange in his mouth and everything he rehearsed in his head flew out the window. “Uh...Did you…?” He gestured towards her with an open palm.

Rhea’s eyes widened at the unspoken question. “Oh, Koushi. I would never.” She shook her head, brown ringlets flying about her face.

“Do you want me to ask him? Would that help you feel better?”

“Please.”

“Hey guys!” Abel boomed across the yard. “Koushi! Did things work out with Kei?”

Suga died on the spot.

Quicker than an arrow, Rhea shot across the yard and slapped a hand over Abel’s loud mouth. Rhea’s feet weren’t touching the ground as she clung onto Abel’s bulky frame. Her mouth was moving very fast and Abel looked vaguely terrified.

It would have been hilarious if Suga wasn’t completely shocked. _Calm down_ , he told himself. _Abel’s question sounds perfectly normal. Nobody would think much of it if they heard it. Calm down. Breathe. Just focus on breathing. Inhale. 1, 2, 3. Exhale. 1, 2, 3._

As the two drew closer it turned out Rhea was chattering in Italian to Abel. Every syllable sharper than the last. She sounded furious, jabbing an accusing finger at Abel and stamping her dainty foot.

 _Short people really are made from compact atoms of rage_ , thought Suga. He was beginning to get worried for Abel. On the bright side he felt a little less apprehensive.

Abel, big and strong, cowered against the wall looking increasingly distressed.

Rhea was shouting now. She huffed and turned on her heel back towards Suga. She smiled sweetly at him, “Don’t worry. He’s just an idiot. Everything’s going to be alright.”

That was scary to watch, but Suga believed her. Somehow, Rhea had an explosive way of dealing with things that was oddly effective.

Once Abel had recovered he came over to Suga looking sheepish. He bowed his head. “I'm sorry. I thought everyone knew since it was so obvious.”

“How is it obvious?” Suga asked shrilly. He had to know. He couldn’t afford to have anyone find out, especially Tsukishima.

Abel scratched at his neck and began slowly, “You're always looking at him.” He glanced at Suga before averting his eyes, worried that it would upset him. “And you look shattered when he leaves.”

“Oh.” Suga couldn’t think of anything else to say.

“I’m really sorry. Please forgive me.”

“I-it’s fine. Just don’t tell anyone.”

He had to change. He had to do _something_ to appear normal.

+

_Urgh._

Tsukishima was irritated. He knew he had woken an hour before the alarm. Again. For the past week or so.

_URGH._

This was so inconvenient. If it were half an hour early then he could fit in some reading until he’s ready for breakfast. If he were more than two hours early then he could go back to sleep. One hour though is the worst. Staying up would turn his eyes to lead, wishing that he could sleep in. Outright falling back to sleep would mean waking up a zombie, even less refreshed (as refreshed as he could be in the morning. Tsukishima didn’t understand how morning people worked. What right did they have to be so energised and ready to go so early in the morning?)

The latter option was less desirable, so he guessed he should just get up now and hope the day passes quickly. He lumbered out of his room to go to the bathroom. Just as he stepped out he crashed into something warm with a mop of grey hair.

 **_URRRGGGHHH._ ** _This is all your fault._

Thankfully he had enough sense not to blurt that out loud. He openly glared down at Sugawara. Tsukishima didn’t know why, but he was sure Sugawara was the source of his sleeping troubles.

“I’m sorry.” Sugawara looked up at him. He looked like he was suffering.

Tsukishima was taken aback. He hadn’t said anything especially scathing yet. “It’s fine,” he muttered. He raised an eyebrow. Sugawara wasn’t one to let his troubles show up too often on his face. “Are you okay?”

“I’m fine.” Sugawara smiled as he always did whenever Tsukishima asked if there was a problem, but it wasn’t quite as bright.

Tsukishima was not in the mood. He crossed his arms and leaned against the doorframe. “There’s great, not too bad, ok, not well, bad.” He paused to casually inspect his nails. “And then there’s _fine,_ ” he spat the word out mockingly. “Which is it Sugawara-san?”

For extra measure Tsukishima dished out a special smile tailored specifically for Sugawara. It was a disgustingly facetious one that curled up slightly at the corners matched with sharp, calculating eyes. It said,  _I don’t have time for this. Spit it out and don’t even think about lying._

“I’m good.”

“Really?”

Unconvinced, Tsukishima leaned down towards Sugawara’s face until they were almost nose to nose. He squinted. Since when did Sugawara have eyebags?

Sugawara held his stare for a split second with surprised eyes before they darted elsewhere. He began to look a little feverish and Tsukishima could hear him breathing.

Tsukishima straightened up. “You’re sick.”

“Yea,” Sugawara laughed bitterly, “I am.” He rubbed at his eyes.

 _Oh my god. It's too early in the morning for this._ Tsukishima rolled his eyes. He wanted to grab Sugawara by the shoulders and shake him. Instead he gave Sugawara’s shoulder a reassuring squeeze that felt so awkward he wished he didn’t have to do it. Then he put on his best _I’m a nice person who believes in humanity and world peace_ voice, “Sugawara-san, being sick is not the end of the world. Just stay home and sleep today. I’ll let mum and dad know you’re staying home.”

He began to walk away when Sugawara grabbed his sleeve. Sugawara yanked his hand away like he had been burned and appeared more feverish than ever. “Weren’t you going to use the bathroom?”

Tsukishima shrugged nonchalantly. “You can use it. I'll just use the one downstairs.”

Breakfast as usual was silent between him and Sugawara. Tsukishima was watching him toy about with his food without actually eating any of it.

Sugawara startled upon noticing Tsukishima’s stare. Their eyes met for a moment before Sugawara jerked his head aside.

 _What is he avoiding now?_ thought Tsukishima irritably. He leaned back into his chair. Sugawara may be good at covering up problems, but Tsukishima can still detect them even though he had no idea what those problems might be. If Sugawara would just talk it would make everything so much easier. Sugawara would probably feel more comfortable and Tsukishima could stop being annoyed at the lack of communication. If there’s something wrong, just say it. He didn’t understand why Sugawara wasn’t a fan of clear and direct communication.

“Sugawara-san, are you sure you don’t need to see a doctor? You’ve barely touched your food and you seem off lately.”

Staring into the gooey depths of his oats Sugawara said quietly, “I think I’ll be fine. Don’t worry, I can fix it.” He gave Tsukishima a watery smile. He tried to hold eye contact but he couldn’t take it and stared into his breakfast again.

“Hmm.” Tsukishima watched Sugawara take a spoonful of oats. This morning he made eating look like a chore. A droplet from Sugawara’s oats clung to the corner of his mouth. Glistening a milky white it smeared slightly as he swallowed another laborious mouthful.

Tsukishima frowned when he found himself salivating at the sight. Guessing that he's probably just hungry he digs into his own breakfast. What he said next surprised even himself.

“You know, I had a dream about you last night.” What was he saying? He wasn’t even entirely sure. Though now that he thought about it Sugawara was definitely in his dream somewhere.

“Really?” Sugawara perked up.

He might as well keep going now that he's said it. “I don’t remember anything about it, but I'm sure you were there. It was horrible and I haven't been having a good time sleeping.”

Surprisingly, Sugawara laughed and set down his spoon. He rested his head on a hand. “Even if it’s a nightmare I feel kind of special to be in your dreams.”

“I think I would sleep better if I remembered the dream.” Why was he saying such unnecessary things? He didn't want to ask Sugawara for help. “So I'd appreciate it if you could help me with that.” Oh. He just did that. Tsukishima blamed it on his lack of sleep.

“I'd love to. Let's fix this when you come home.” Sugawara seemed a little more lively.

Tsukishima nodded at Sugawara’s suggestion and finished his breakfast. Who knows? Maybe he would sleep better after unlocking the dream buried in his subconscious.

+

“I'm home.” Tsukishima called out as he stepped on the heels of his shoes. Swapping them for slippers he saw Sugawara dash down the stairs.

“Welcome back!”

 _He seems much more energetic than this morning_ , thought Tsukishima.

Sugawara held out a hand to take one of his bags. Shuffling past Sugawara, Tsukishima pretended he didn’t see. He's perfectly capable of carrying them on his own, thank you very much.

The lockers at school were more cupboards than lockers. For a start none of them had locks. Also, the entire locker was shared although each student had their own cubby hole. The boys’ lockers suffered a maggot infestation because of somebody's dumplings festering in there. Nobody owned up to it. The smell made Tsukishima’s nose wrinkle and he didn’t want to think about how filthy it was. Ever since, he had taken to carrying the entire contents of his locker everywhere in an extra bag.

Sugawara retracted his arm, mood still bright.

Tsukishima trekked upstairs with Sugawara following him like a shadow. He got to his room and dumped his heavy bags inside when he turned to Sugawara, “Do you need something, Sugawara-san?”

“Oh, I thought we were going to help you remember your dream. I did research while you were at school.” Sugawara held up a thick wad of handwritten notes.

In all honesty Tsukishima had forgotten all about it. He looked at the notes, then at Sugawara’s excited face. Breathing in deeply, he knew he was going to regret this. Even he didn’t have the heart to turn Sugawara away when he had put so much effort into this.

“Yes, that’s right.” He motioned just outside the door. “Just wait here while I get changed.”

As soon as he was done he opened the door to find Sugawara with a flush high in his cheeks.

Tsukishima put a hand on Sugawara’s forehead. Sugawara stepped back in surprise but Tsukishima followed him. Sugawara was burning hot under his hand. “Are you sure you're okay? We can do this another time.”

“Thermometer says I'm normal. I'll be fine.” Sugawara leaned into his touch like it would prove he wasn't sick. “Let’s figure out your dream.” He added cheerfully as he moved to step inside Tsukishima’s room.

With quick reflexes Tsukishima’s arm shot out in front of Sugawara, “Not in my room.” He led Sugawara away by the elbow, “We’ll do it in the lounge.”

Sugawara stopped trying to crane his neck to peek inside Tsukishima’s room, “Okay.” However, the curious glint in his eye was still there.

He knew that Sugawara was secretly very nosy. An excellent eavesdropper who happens to know everything about everyone. It’s not that Tsukishima had anything embarrassing to hide in his room, but privacy was something he treasured. His room was the one place where he could do whatever he wanted and felt free to be himself on his laptop wearing the mask of anonymity on the internet.

As they walked side by side their knuckles brushed against each other. Tsukishima resisted the urge to wipe his hands on his jeans.

They spread Sugawara’s notes on the coffee table. Sugawara’s writing was ridiculous. It was so uniform it looked like it was printed. Most of the information was about dream meanings.

 _Typical._ While Tsukishima agreed dreams were a reflection of daily life, he didn’t believe they held any significance for future events.

“Do you remember anything at all? Feelings, colours?”

“Well you were definitely in it. There was a lot of blue? I think?” He doodled straight lines and a neat array of dots on some spare paper. A habit he picked up when he was younger. It definitely helped him develop clean lines with ease. “But let's focus on remembering dreams first. The meanings don't matter if I can't remember anything.”

With that, they began cracking into the fortress that was Tsukishima’s subconscious. To be fair, Sugawara was doing all the work. All the while, Tsukishima practised his linework. Not really interested in the task at hand. Sugawara though, asked many questions and scribbled down Tsukishima’s answers.

Tsukishima felt a hint of pride at how difficult it was for Sugawara to figure out what little he remembered about his dream was saying. Finally, a mystery Sugawara couldn’t solve with his keen skills of observation and deduction. A small smile tugged at his lips, which he hid by turning his head.

A bespectacled head full of the same curly golden hair as Tsukishima’s was right there peeking around the corner. It’s Akio. Glasses glinting brightly, he gave Tsukishima a small wave and disappeared.

Tsukishima could already feel a headache coming.

Every few minutes Akio kept wandering into the lounge or surreptitiously checking on them with drinks and snacks as an excuse. On one occasion he wandered into the lounge loudly slurping a cup of coffee. He lingered by their table for the longest time casting less than stealthy looks at bits and pieces of Sugawara’s notes. More specifically, notes with fragments of Tsukishima’s dream on them. Of course Tsukishima glared at him until he left.

After Akio’s head poked into the room for the forty seventh time (Tsukishima counted) he finally snapped. “Can you not?”

Startled at being caught Akio’s head disappeared before reappearing cautiously. “What?”

“You’re being a nuisance.”

Akio clutched his heart dramatically in mock hurt. “Oh! I have been wounded by my own son!”

“Stop that. You’re coming to buy bread with me for breakfast.” Hotaru dragged Akio away.

Tsukishima loved his mother so much. She really was an amazing woman to deal with Akio so adeptly. Sometimes Tsukishima wondered how they got married in the first place.

“Alright,” Tsukishima cleared his throat. “What have we got so far, Sugawara-san?”

“All you remember are really vivid blues, greens and morning glories.”

“And you.” Interjected Tsukishima automatically. He was now drawing a grid of perfect circles. Absentmindedly he wished he could freehand larger circles. For now he supposed being able to freehand smaller ones was a good start.

Sugawara silently watched Tsukishima’s brow crease in concentration for a moment before tucking a stray hair behind his ear. “Yes, and me.” He made a small smile as he read his notes. “It depends on which source you’re looking at. In general blue in dreams mean tranquility, ideas and creativity.”

Tsukishima nodded. “Creativity, huh?” He continued drawing.

“It can also mean feeling depressed or trying to run away from something. Are you avoiding something, Kei?”

Tsukishima narrowed his eyes at Sugawara’s cheeky expression. “No.” _He sure looks smug for no reason._

“Green represents growth, healing and might be a message to tell you to go ahead with something.”

“Hmm.” There were a few goals he had in mind. He should start planning for the design competition he planned to enter in the second semester. Maybe he’s just stressed out from that and therefore losing sleep.

“Morning glories mean bright, new beginnings and,” Sugawara coughed, “and, uh...excellent luck in love.”

“So what does that mean? That I should take my chances and embark on a wonderful romance with you once I stop running from my intense passion for you?” Tsukishima laughed until his sides felt like they were going to split open. He slipped his finger beneath his frames and wiped away a tear. “Gross.”

Sugawara laughed with him, a little breathless by the time they stopped. Unknowingly they had moved closer.  He leaned in closer to Tsukishima, tilting his head slightly to the side. The expression on Sugawara’s face was all soft and gooey, like sweet caramel.

Closing his eyes Tsukishima could feel warmth radiating off Sugawara coming closer and closer. He could feel Sugawara’s soft breath on his skin-- _WAIT. WHAT AM I DOING?_ Blinking, Tsukishima jerked back at the proximity.

Sugawara leaned back. Tsukishima thought he saw a flash of hurt flicker across his face, but he must have imagined it. Before long the sweet expression was smoothed over with his usual perfect, cheerful mask. “Sorry, there’s something on your face.” Sugawara pointed at the corner of his mouth.

Mirroring the action Tsukishima rubbed away whatever it was. He didn’t feel anything being rubbed off, but whatever. “Is it gone now?”

“Yea.”

After that Sugawara watched him draw. Tsukishima spent the rest of the evening listening to Sugawara prattle on about dream analysis. He didn’t really mind. It was background noise suitable for drawing.

Later that night Tsukishima curled up with a good book and read until he couldn’t keep his eyes open anymore. As he drifted away to sleep his last thoughts were an incredulous scoff, _Lucky in love? With Sugawara? That's crazy!_

He slept well for the first time in weeks.

+

For the days that followed Tsukishima couldn’t be happier. With adequate sleep devoid of pointless dreams he was feeling refreshed and ready to destroy his latest chemistry assignment. The due date was quickly approaching so he spent most of his lunch break holed up in the labs doing titrations. This meant less Sugawara and, therefore, a happier Tsukishima. In short, he felt alive again.

Much to his delight, even at home he saw less of Sugawara. Over time Sugawara had made many new friends. Most of them girls. Within two weeks of Sugawara’s arrival everyone had been so charmed by him, he had quickly gained a nickname: Angel Face. The very mention of the name made him blush and laugh shyly every time. All the while waving his hand going “No, stop calling me that! It’s embarrassing.” To which the girls would erupt into a fit of giggles. “Koushi’s so shy.”

Naturally, he was invited to weekend outings all the time. So Tsukishima hardly saw Sugawara. He wasn’t complaining though. They kept Sugawara out of his hair and he was glad.

In general, he only ever paid any real attention to Sugawara twice a day. A quick look over to make sure Sugawara was healthy once in the morning and once before bedtime.

Sugawara was good at hiding his troubles, but Tsukishima didn’t need to think or look very hard to see the shadows under his eyes. It was to the point that even Tsukishima was worried.

Come lunchtime, he was about to make his way to the labs when a group of girls swarmed around Sugawara beside the lockers. Tsukishima knew what was coming. Apparently Sugawara did too, judging by his moment of hesitation when he greeted them.

A tiny voice in the back of his head said he should help Sugawara out of this.

_If Sugawara-san needs help he’d tell me._

The girls finally finished their small talk and got to the point. The shy one fidgeted with her fingers and squeakily asked him if he was free right now.

Sugawara stammered, trying to dance around the question.

The little voice piped in saying that it's only fair to help Sugawara since he helped Tsukishima.

_He can take care of himself._

The girls were persistent though, pressing Sugawara for a straight answer.

Tsukishima ignored the little voice ringing alarm bells in his head. Why did it sound like Yamaguchi?

_If he doesn’t want to go he’d say no._

Sugawara looked a little helpless, trying to find the right words as the girls begged him to go with them. He sighed and was about to agree to something Tsukishima knew he didn’t really want.

Tsukishima’s inner Yamaguchi screamed at him to save Sugawara from unnecessary stress.

**_URGH. FINE._ **

Tsukishima adjusted his backpack’s strap on his shoulder and drew Sugawara away from the group. “Sorry ladies, but Koushi here is helping me with chemistry today.”

He promptly left for the labs with a visibly relieved Sugawara in tow.

+

Suga watched Tsukishima swirl the flask with smooth, practised movements. Long, pale fingers gently grasping the flask’s neck as the chemicals inside shifted from black-purple, to violet before growing paler and paler. Colourless and then just a touch of pink. Tsukishima stopped and scribbled down some numbers in his notebook.

 _He really does have beautiful hands_ , thought Suga. He wondered what those fingers would look like if they--

“Pathetic.”

Suga jolted, his back snapping up into a straight line. “Huh?” Did he say that out loud? Please tell him, he didn’t say that out loud.

“You’re pathetic.”

Tsukishima’s pen scratched across the notebook. He prepared a new flask of chemicals.

 _I really am pathetic, aren’t I?_ Suga didn’t have an answer for Tsukishima. It made him feel even worse because he couldn’t help but agree with Tsukishima.

Tsukishima continued. Every step of the experiment as natural as breathing, “If you were uncomfortable, if you didn’t want to go just say no.”

“You can do that, but I never can.” Suga nuzzled into the crook of his elbow. “I don’t want to hurt anyone’s feelings.”

“You’ll protect people’s feelings over your own health.” Tsukishima shook his head in annoyance. This was something he could never understand about nice people. “You’re not wrong when you say I can reject people without any consideration for their feelings.” He admitted sharply.

Suga peered over his arm at Tsukishima, still engrossed in his work.

Still not getting any sort of reaction Tsukishima huffs his solution to Suga’s problem, “You can use me as an excuse. Just tell them your dear homestay brother needs help with chemistry or art.”

Suga curled up in his seat and buried his face in his arm. “Thanks,” He mumbled.

What was he doing? He was supposed to be getting away from Tsukishima, not accepting excuses to spend time with him. Why does Tsukishima always make it so hard to leave him alone?

Suga couldn’t help but gravitate towards him. He wanted so badly to just reach over and touch Tsukishima. He wanted to get so close he could drown in Tsukishima’s scent and kiss him until that look of apathy turned into a smile.

Suga hated himself.

 


	4. Urgh

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tsuntsun Tsukki goes deredere and Suga has quite the imagination.

After a long day at work and enduring Auckland’s awful traffic for an hour and a half Akiteru relaxed by Kei’s side at the window. The scenery was pretty as always. The sun had already set, leaving behind a ring of the darkest blue touched by a hint of gold and bronze at the horizon. The first stars winked at him and the landscape was dotted by tiny little street lights.

In quiet moments like these Akiteru thought back to the past. How Kei would fill in that silence and tell him anything and everything. Sometimes they talked about nothing, just idle chatter. Akiteru looked at the brightest star in the sky. If he could turn back time he would have tried harder to call back home more and talk to Kei. If he knew it would make Kei become closed off and distant he wouldn’t have gone abroad to study at all. When he came back Kei’s smile became a rare thing and his few words precious. He confronted his parents about it in private, “What happened to him? Where’s my baby brother?” But they didn’t have an answer for him. No one did. Not even Yamaguchi. Kei had simply and slowly drifted away from everyone.

Akiteru pried his eyes away from the star and back down to Kei’s head full of golden curls. The past couldn’t be changed. He’d accept Kei no matter what.

Kei still pretended to ignore him, sitting at his desk. Akiteru could tell Kei wanted to talk about something. To an outsider they wouldn’t know, but the signs were obvious to him. For a start Kei hadn’t kicked him out of his room. He’d always been very territorial about his room. Secondly, Kei didn't have his headphones on. Lastly, Kei hadn’t really paid much attention to the book he was reading (or at least pretending to read). He hadn't turned a single page and his eyes weren't moving.

Kei remained quiet, but that’s ok. Akiteru could think of quite a few things to talk about.

“Kei, you don't hate him that much, do you?” Akiteru playfully nudged Kei’s shoulder.

Kei gave a slight huff and resolutely turned away. It was always so fun teasing Kei. That was one thing that hadn’t changed. Akiteru remembered when they were little he'd get all pouty and puff his cheeks out. Kei didn’t do that anymore but he still thought his baby brother was the cutest.

“Kei,” Akiteru whined with a grin, poking him.

“I don’t have a clue who you're talking about,” Kei turned his head towards the window. Akiteru didn’t miss the slightest hint of pink on the tips of his ears.

_He's being shy! So cute!_

“If you really hated him you wouldn’t help him out from the clutches of his adoring fans.” Akiteru’s grin grew wider.

“How did you-?” Kei twisted around in his chair.

“Dad's been going on about it.”

Kei’s eye twitched and his mouth was pressed into a thin line. Akiteru could imagine frazzled wires blowing up in his head.

 _Let's kick it up a notch._ “You're fond of him, aren't you?” Akiteru asked cheerfully.

Akiteru’s eyes widened and his face went slack in surprise. For a moment Kei’s mask fell and Akiteru thought he saw that child Kei used to be again. Before he could get a good look Kei’s mask snapped back into place.

“Dinner’s ready!” Hotaru called up to them.

Kei immediately shuffled towards the door. “Aren’t you coming?” Kei tossed over his shoulder with the slightest smile.

Akiteru followed him downstairs. Behind him Akiteru watched Kei’s back. He’s gotten taller. His shoulders broader now. His hair was that same shade of pale gold though. Inside that lanky body was his baby brother surrounded by walls he built himself. Maybe someday Kei would open up again and they could talk like they used to.

When they got to the dinner table Akio was in the middle of another dramatised retelling of how Kei rescued Suga from his fans. In true Akio fashion there were many embellishments and terrible voice acting.

Kei’s face was the absolute picture of death and suffering. _Stay strong, Kei._  Akiteru patted his shoulder.

“But Suga-kun, so lucky! The ladies really like you.” Akio sighed dreamily, “Reminds me of my school days.”

“Really? I don't remember you being popular at all.” Hotaru deadpanned, swallowing another mouthful of rice.

“The invisible prince! Unnoticed by the goddess of my heart!”

Kei looked like he was about to be sick. So did his mother actually. Their expressions were identical. Akiteru called it their “urgh-face”.

“Anyway, now that you have free time on the weekends how do you feel about spending some quality time with the family, Suga-kun?” Hotaru smiled kindly.

“I would love that,” Suga’s eyes flicked over to Kei for a moment before dancing over the food on his plate.

Akiteru wondered if anyone else noticed. They were always brief, but the way Suga looked at Kei was _different_. Does Kei know? One look at Kei’s face told Akiteru he was still in “urgh-mode” trying not to throw up at their father’s theatrics.

“Then tomorrow we’ll go to Sheep World. They have the best lamb burgers and the animals are very cute. They have shearing demonstrations too,” Hotaru continued.

Suga seemed excited about it. He’d never seen a sheep up close before.

“So are you coming with us, Kei? It’ll be fun,” Akiteru asked. He watched Suga’s eyes light up in his peripheral vision.

“I’ll think about it. I have a lot of work to do.”

That’s a no, but Akiteru wasn’t going to let him coop himself up in the house all the time. He shrugged in resignation. “Ah, that can’t be helped then. And they got alpacas recently too.”

Kei froze for just a second before he moved to get more broccoli. Akiteru smiled to himself, he’d gotten Kei’s full attention just then.

After dinner Akiteru had just finished loading plates and cutlery into the dishwasher when he noticed Kei lingering on the other side of the kitchen bench.

“Would there,” Kei coughed and cleared his throat. “Would there be a petting zoo? Can you pat the alpacas?” He asked with nonchalance. His face said he couldn’t care less if alpacas went extinct, but Akiteru knew his little brother inside out. When Kei made that face it meant he cared very much.

“Yep. So, are you coming?” Akiteru smiled warmly at him.

Kei nodded and slinked upstairs. No doubt back up to his room. Akiteru thought there was a good chance he’d see Kei the way he used to be tomorrow.

+

The car ride to Sheep World was long and quiet. Suburban housing melted away to become acres of sprawling farmland scattered between cloaks of beautiful New Zealand bush. There were pretty foxgloves growing here and there on the side of the road. Pink, yellow and white flowers dangling in the breeze. Suga even saw some red deer grazing on a farm. Though they startled at the sound of traffic whooshing past and dashed off gracefully to a quieter spot.

The scenery was green and peaceful and very beautiful, but not as beautiful and dangerous as Tsukishima’s sleeping face.

The car could just fit the five of them. The parents sat at the front leaving the kids to decide where they wanted to sit. Tsukishima lost to Akiteru in paper-scissors-rock so he ended up squeezed in between Suga and Akiteru.

Suga was happy because he got to sit next to Tsukishima. However, he quickly found some distressing problems.

Their thighs were touching.

That wasn't the problem. Tsukishima’s warmth seeping through his clothes was actually very nice. It’s what it did to his head that was the problem.

He imagined what the warmth of Tsukishima’s skin would feel like flush against his skin. He should have stopped there. Panicking, he discovered he didn’t really want to. Then he made the worst mistake and looked at Tsukishima’s face. Somewhere along the way Tsukishima had fallen asleep. Gone was the stony look of apathy permanently etched onto his face. It was now open and relaxed. He’d never seen Tsukishima like this up close before. Suga’s eyes moved down the elegant line of his nose and lingered over his slightly parted lips.

The car rounded a corner and Tsukishima’s relaxed body leaned into him, his head tilting over to Suga’s side. Suga stared at Tsukishima’s mouth, his heart rate climbing higher and higher. Were his lips soft or were they rough? What would Tsukishima’s mouth feel like against his own? Against his skin? It could be easy to find out. He could just stretch up a little...

He imagined all the things he would do to Tsukishima if they were alone in the car, in some fantasy parallel universe where Tsukishima wanted him too. Soon it wasn't just a simple kiss or the brush of lips over bare skin. He imagined Tsukishima’s slender fingers slipping underneath his clothes and his own hands drawing out gasps and moans from Tsukishima’s rough mouth.

A shiver rippled down from the top of his head to the tips of his toes. Every little hair on his body stood on end. It lasted only a second. Suga saw Akio watching him in the rearview mirror.

Ripping his eyes away from Tsukishima he held his satchel firmly over his lap and rolled down the window a bit. The car was suddenly far too hot. Somehow that only made his situation worse.

A breeze came through the window. It had a soft scent from flowers he didn’t recognise and the freshness of pine needles. Suga found himself following its invisible path. The breeze carded gently through Tsukishima’s hair, which was glowing softly from the sunlight sifting past leaves on tall branches.  

He couldn’t breathe. It was always like this. Once his eyes landed on Tsukishima it was always hard to look away. Tsukishima reminded him of the moon. From far away he was soft and beautiful. Quiet and calm. When he tried to get close Tsukishima was as cold and abrasive as the rocks that littered the pitted surface of the moon.

He wanted Tsukishima. He had wanted Tsukishima for so long.

Soft laughter rumbled from Akio and he spoke softly, “Wake up Kei for me, Suga-kun.” In a louder voice that was more normal for the extraverted man he announced, “We’re here!”

Sugawara sweated nervously and gave a small nod. He’d been caught twice. By _Akio_ , Tsukishima’s own father. What was he going to do? Should he come clean? Should he book a flight back to Japan straight away?

He poked Tsukishima in the shoulder gently, “Tsukishima, we’re here.”

Tsukishima blinked groggily at the sudden light. He took his glasses off and rubbed the sleep out of his eyes. Slipping his glasses back on he pinned Suga down with an intense gaze.

Suga swallowed, distracted by what he thought was carefully controlled excitement gleaming in Tsukishima’s eyes.

“Do you plan on getting out of the car, Sugawara-san?”

With a start Suga realised that everyone else had already gotten out. Akiteru was stretching his arms out by the car. Akio and Hotaru were looking at a sign outside reception. It was just him and Tsukishima still inside.

His fantasies flashed by in a blur of colour, hushed sounds of panting and fogged up windows. He could make them real for maybe five seconds. It was possible. Instead his unsteady hands fumbled with his seatbelt until it finally clicked free and he tumbled out of the car to get far, far away from Tsukishima.

Tsukishima wouldn’t like that unless they were in a parallel universe.

When they got inside the lady at the cash register handed out some round stickers to Akio. Four blue ones and one green one, “Here you are, sir. Four adult tickets for full admission and one adult ticket for just the animal park. The next sheep and dog show starts in twenty minutes.”

“Thank you,” Akio grinned and handed everyone a sticker.

Tsukishima got the green sticker and stuck it on his jacket, “I'll see you guys later.” He hurried off down a gravel path into the animal park. He looked excited and Suga was curious. At the same time he was relieved. He needed a bit of time away from Tsukishima to clear his head. The show would be an excellent distraction.

They milled into a small barn fitted with large wooden steps as seating. On the other side was a small stage and a series of gates that led outside. Suga guessed that's where the sheep would file in.

Hotaru encouraged him to sit in the front row while they sat a step behind him. “At the end of the show they let the lambs out and you can feed them milk if you're in the front row.”

As more people came Suga found more parents urging their kids to sit up front. Soon he was sandwiched between two five year olds. He liked children so he didn't mind. The boy on his left asked him a million questions about Japan with a toothy grin. Sometimes Suga couldn’t catch what he was saying since he was little and couldn't pronounce things properly yet, but the boy was patient and enthusiastic.

Before long the show began. A big man with sun-tanned, leathery skin greeted them with a booming voice and a friendly smile. The man’s name was Steve.

Steve spoke with a strong kiwi twang, so Suga didn’t quite catch everything he said. From what he gathered Steve worked with two dogs. The quiet one kept the sheep in one group and the one with the loud echoing bark was taught to move the sheep across long distances using its loud bark. To tell them what to do Steve used unique whistles for each dog. The set of whistles was unique to each individual dog. Suga thought the dogs were very smart and hardworking. The dogs quickly gave an impressive demonstration and soon a small flock of sheep were coaxed into the fenced off area in the barn.

Steve made shearing the sheep look incredibly easy. He handled them with care and made a quick job of it. “They’re frightened so you want to do it as quickly and as comfortably for them as possible. While keeping in mind your own safety of course. These shears can take your fingers and toes off if you’re not careful!”

His favourite part was when they got to bottle feed the lambs some milk. It was apparently Steve’s favourite part too. Once he handed out some milk bottles and gave them a stern talk on how to treat the lambs he opened a little door Suga hadn't noticed. In trotted a small group of lambs beaming at the milk bottles with excitement. They were so adorable and fluffy! Steve’s amiable laughter was the loudest of all as he watched over them fondly.

Once the show ended, the sheep returned to the comfort of their pastures and the dogs went back home.

Akiteru went with Hotaru to take a look at the gift shop. Akio meandered up to Suga.

Suga fidgeted with his backpack.  _I'm in trouble, aren't I? I shouldn't have been thinking those thoughts._ He braced himself, ready to be told he was disgusting and to go back to Japan, never to see Tsukishima ever again.

Akio slapped him on the back with a hearty grin. “I'll be looking for a surprise gift for Hotaru.” He raised a finger to his lips and whispered conspiratorially, “Why don't you go find Kei and check out the animal park first? We'll come along later.”

Maybe Akio didn't see anything after all? Suga breathed a sigh of relief and replied cheerfully, “Ok, I'll keep your secret.”

“And I'll keep yours.” Akio winked and snuck into the giftshop without another word.

He pursed his lips and dashed off before Akio could change his mind. Somehow he felt like he could trust Akio, but he was still afraid.

Suga found Tsukishima almost immediately. He was crouching beside the lambs’ enclosure. One of the lambs poked its head through the fence baaing happily as it nuzzled Tsukishima who smiled with eyes full of affection.

He’d seen Tsukishima smile before. They were always cold, never quite making it onto Tsukishima’s face let alone his eyes. Smirking was more his thing rather than a smile. However, this smile was different. He'd never seen Tsukishima like this before.

Suga wasn’t sure whether he was more charmed by the lamb or Tsukishima. He wandered over to crouch down beside Tsukishima. Suga wanted to see more of him.

“You can pat him if you want. Or her.” Tsukishima scratched behind the lamb’s ears. It bleated happily.“I can't really tell.”

Suga could hear the warm smile in Tsukishima’s voice too. It was like honey.

“I'm not sure how to pat him. Can you teach me?”

Tsukishima’s attention never left the lamb, but he replied immediately with enthusiasm. “Of course. You do it like this.”  

Then there was a warm hand folding over his. Suga felt the heat simmer low beneath his skin as Tsukishima guided his hand over the lamb’s curly, white fleece.

“He loves it when you get that spot under his chin,” Tsukishima explained, moving Suga’s hand behind the lamb's ear and down to tickle his chin.

The lamb's fleece was coarse, but still warm and fluffy. He let out pleased little bleats, asking for more pats. Sugawara absolutely adored the little animal, “His eyes are so cute! His pupils are different to ours, huh?”

“Yes, he has the same rectangular pupils that octopuses do.”

“Isn't the plural octopi?”

“It’s used commonly enough to be accepted. Though the correct plural is actually octopuses.” Tsukishima pushed his glasses up the bridge of his nose.

Tsukishima stood up and watched him patting the lamb for a while. For once Tsukishima’s face wore a softened look instead of his usual apathetic mask. It felt like he was looking at Tsukishima’s real face for the first time.  

Tsukishima leaned down slightly. “Want to go see the alpacas?” He was smiling full force now and it left Suga utterly enthralled.

“Sure!”

They followed the path, gravel crunching beneath their feet and warm sunlight on their backs. Tsukishima pointed out some native birds (“See that fat bird that just crash landed on that tree over there? It's a New Zealand wood pigeon.”) and he tried to take photos of them before they flew off. His favourite was the tui. A beautiful bird with dark, iridescent feathers that gleamed blue in the sunlight and little white fluff balls on their throat. It had the loveliest voice in the world.

Tsukishima had never talked so much before. Usually their conversations barely scraped what was needed to be polite on a daily basis. Now Tsukishima was eagerly answering all of his questions about animals. Suga hadn’t felt this relaxed with Tsukishima before. Right now, he didn’t feel the need to hide anything. Hiding _that_ part of himself was exhausting. This was probably temporary, so he might as well enjoy it while it lasted. Until they drove back home and he would have to pretend again. Only allowed to be himself behind closed doors.

When they got to the alpacas Akiteru was luring in an alpaca with a handful of feed he bought earlier and a bright friendly smile. “Come on over little one. I won’t hurt you,” he cooed softly.

The curious alpaca timidly sniffed Akiteru’s hand. As soon as he reached out to pat it the fluffy animal galloped off.

Akiteru sighed and turned towards Suga, “They're very shy.”

“What do you mean?” drawled a very smug Tsukishima.

Suga whipped around and there Tsukishima was. A short distance away Tsukishima was hugging the very same alpaca who rejected Akiteru. The animal leaned into his touch, bleating softly with its eyes half closed in bliss. Tsukishima was sparkling with joy.

“How does he do that?” Suga exclaimed.

“Kei has always been good with animals,” Akiteru laughed, leaning against the fence as he watched his brother.

“He's amazing.”

“He sure is,” Akiteru agreed fondly.

Suga waited until Akiteru continued up the path and into the bush where there was a small creek.

For the fourth time that day he gravitated towards Tsukishima. He began to wonder if he's subconsciously doing it or if he'd given up on avoiding Tsukishima altogether. “Kei, teach me how to do that.” He gestured at Tsukishima and the happy alpaca. “That’s amazing.”

Tsukishima continued patting the alpaca, “Wait by the fence and hold your arms out slightly. Don’t show too many teeth and lower your eyes. Then they’d come to you.”

He did as he was told. He hoped it wouldn’t work so that Tsukishima might give a hands on demonstration like last time. A chocolate alpaca wandered over and sniffed his hair a bit. It tickled with the alpaca nosing into his hair. Suga was just about to pat it when it huffed off in what seemed like disapproval, its breath ruffling his hair. Maybe the alpaca didn't like the way it smelled.

“Do you want help?” Tsukishima parted with his alpaca, who continued following him as he went to Suga.

Suga nodded, “Yes, please.” _Touch me._

”I'm going to be standing right behind you guiding your arms. Are you ok with that?”

 _Very_ , thought Suga. Instead he replied carefully, not to sound too eager, “I don’t mind.”

Gently, Tsukishima came up behind him and pressed close, enfolding him in warmth. Then Tsukishima guided Suga’s arms, like he said he would. Tsukishima’s larger hands over his own.

The alpaca meandered over. Tsukishima leaned forward a little saying something he couldn’t hear. He was too busy getting lost in Tsukishima’s touch.

For a moment he was sandwiched between the alpaca and Tsukishima. It was warm and soft and wonderful.

All too soon Tsukishima pulled away, leaving him with the happy alpaca.

Suga buried his face in its soft fur. It's like hugging a cloud. He liked it more with Tsukishima behind him, but this was nice too.

+

It was the end of a long day by the time they piled themselves back into the car. The road wound its way between hills and clumps of forest. The forest flew away, unveiling a river to their left. The setting sun lit up the water with shimmering orange flecks of light.

Overall, Tsukishima had greatly enjoyed himself. He liked animals more than people because they're far easier to read. It made interacting with them a breeze. Stretching in his seat a little he thought there was nothing quite like animal therapy to destress. Though he wasn’t even aware he was stressed in the first place until the weight was lifted off his chest. He supposed it didn't matter now that the feeling was gone. He made a mental note to be more self-aware.

Eyes blinking slowly with sleepiness, Tsukishima admired the way the light rippled across the river. Earlier in the day it was too harsh to look at, stinging his eyes with its white brightness.

Exhaling softly, he was crossing the edge of sleep when something heavy fell on his shoulder. He just about shot into the air with fright. Wide awake now he looked around to see what that offensive object was.

What greeted Tsukishima was soft, silvery hair tickling his cheek. Sugawara was fast asleep. Long lashes brushed over the tops of his cheeks and a small bead of moisture clung to the corner of his eye. His face was completely relaxed with a smile curving gently in his mouth.

 _Urgh._  Sugawara may look genuinely happy for once, but Tsukishima was also genuinely irritated with the sudden close contact in such a cramped space. He edged over to Akiteru’s side in an attempt to get more room.

Tsukishima’s eyes widened when he found himself firmly pushed back over to Sugawara, their sides pressed flush against each other. Sugawara nuzzled further into Tsukishima’s side, fingers curling into the sleeve of his jacket.

Akiteru frowned and mumbled in his sleep. The only word Tsukishima caught was “cramped”.

 _Oh yea, that’s not obvious at all._  Tsukishima’s eyebrow twitched. He couldn’t believe Akiteru betrayed him. His own brother.

Tsukishima tsked. At least he got to pat animals today.

Low chuckling wafted over from the front. Akio was quietly shaking with laughter.

Tsukishima tsked again. He hated sitting in the middle.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I tried to update last night on my phone, but my god it somehow kept messing up and doubling up on some paragraphs. Anyways, hope you guys are still reading this. I know the updates are slow OTL
> 
> But, I'm just going to say again: this fic is never going to be abandoned ^w^ Next chapter we're going to hit a VERY VERY important plot point *hints at the tags*


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